1.2 Góa giàn boeh pok-hun
Góa kiâⁿ ji̍p-khì. Pâng-keng kng-iāⁿ-iāⁿ, piah pe̍h-siak-siak, thian-pông ū thiⁿ-thang. Lāi-bīn ê ka-kū ū kúi-tè í-á kap chi̍t-kóa X-hêng ê kha-kè. Khǹg tī pâng-keng tiong-ng hit nn̄g-ê, téng-koân thêng chi̍t khū kòa khàm tio̍h ê koaⁿ-chhâ. Kan-ta khòaⁿ ē tio̍h kúi-lia̍p-á kim-sih-sih ê lô͘-si, sió-khóa chūn ji̍p-khì, khiā tī chang-sek ê koaⁿ-chhâ pang téng-bīn. Koaⁿ-chhâ piⁿ, ū chi̍t-ê chhēng pe̍h tn̂g-saⁿ ê Arab hō͘-sū, thâu-khak pau chhián-sek hiáⁿ-ba̍k ê thâu-kin.
Hit-sî, kang-iú tòe tī góa āu-piah ji̍p-lâi. I tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī iōng cháu ê. I ti-ti-tū-tū kóng:
"Goán seng kā kòa khàm khí-lih, m̄-koh góa ē-sái pak lô͘-si, hian kòa hō͘ lí khoàⁿ yi."
I ná kiâⁿ ǹg koaⁿ-chhâ, góa sûi kā tòng tio̍h.
I mn̄g, "Lí boaih khòaⁿ?"
Góa ìn, "Boaih."
I tiām-tiām, góa soah pháiⁿ-sè, in-ūi góa kám-kak góa bô eng-kai án-ne kóng. I lia̍h góa khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē, koh mn̄g:
"Sī án-chóaⁿ boaih?" m̄-koh bô chek-pī ê ì-sù. Góa kóng:
"Góa mā m̄-chai."
I khai-sí lián i ê téng-tûn-chhiu, bô khòaⁿ góa, koh kóng:
"Góa lí-kái."
I ê ba̍k-chiu sī hó-khòaⁿ ê chhián-nâ sek, bīn-sek âng-gê. I sóa chi̍t-tè í-á hō͘ góa chē, jiân-āu chē tī góa ê chiàⁿ āu-bīn. Hō͘-sū khiā khí-lâi, kiâⁿ hiòng mn̂g. Hit-sî, kang-iú kā góa kóng:
"Yi seⁿ eng-á."
Góa m̄-chai ì-sù, tō gia̍h-ba̍k khòaⁿ hō͘-sū, chiah khòaⁿ tio̍h yi ê siang-ba̍k ē-bīn tān thâu pau chi̍t-liàn hô͘-tái. Phīⁿ ê ūi, hô͘-tái pêⁿ-pêⁿ. Kui-ê yi ê bīn, kan-ta khòaⁿ ē tio̍h hit-tiâu pe̍h-sek ê hô͘-tái.
Hō͘-sū chhut-khì liáu, kang-iú kóng:
"Góa mā bô koh pôe lí ah."
Góa m̄-chai góa sī-m̄-sī ū án-chóaⁿ piáu-sī, m̄-koh i kè-sio̍k lâu tī goân-ūi, tī góa āu-piah. Kám-kak āu-piah ū chi̍t-ê lâng, án-ne hō͘ góa chin bē chū-chāi. Pâng-keng ni̍h chhiong-móa tio̍h bí-lē ê hông-hun ê ji̍t-kng. Ū nn̄g-chiah n̂g-phang tī thiⁿ-thang ê po-lê hiⁿ-hiⁿ kiò. Góa kám-kak ka-tī lú lâi lú ài-khùn. Bô se̍h-thâu, góa mn̄g kang-iú, "Lí kám lâi chia chin kú ah?" I má-siōng ìn góa kóng, "Gō͘-tang," -- bē-su i it-ti̍t teh tán góa án-ne kā mn̄g.
Án-ne liáu-āu, i piàn chin kāu-ōe. Tong-chho͘ i mā siūⁿ-bē-kàu ē lâi Marengo iáng-ló-īⁿ chò kang-iú. I kin-nî la̍k-cha̍p-sì, pún-chiâⁿ tòa Paris.
I kóng kàu chia ê sî, góa phah-tn̄g i ê ōe. "Oh, lí m̄-sī chāi-tē lâng?"
Hit-sî, góa koh kì khí-lâi, tī chhōa góa khì kìⁿ īⁿ-tiúⁿ chìn-chêng, i ū kā góa kóng-khí Mama ê tāi-chì. I kóng, in tio̍h kín kā siu-bâi, in-ūi tī pêⁿ-iûⁿ ê só͘-chāi thiⁿ-khì joa̍h, iû-kî sī chit-ê só͘-chāi. Tō sī hit sî-chūn, i kóng tio̍h i bat tòa tī Paris, i kám-kak chin hoâi-liām. Tī Paris, chiú-lêng tio̍h ài saⁿ kang, ū-sî sīm-chì sì kang. Tī chia, lí iáu bē-hù chiap-siū chhin-lâng ê sí-bông, sûi tio̍h kóaⁿ-kín jek tī lêng-chhia āu teh sàng-soaⁿ. Hit-sî, in bó͘ tō kā kóng, "Hó lah, chit-lō tāi-chì bián hō͘ chit-ūi sian-siⁿ chai lah." Hit-ê lāu-lâng soah bīn-âng, kín hōe sit-lé. Góa tō chhah-ōe kóng, "Bē lah, Che mā bô siáⁿ." Góa sim-koaⁿ siūⁿ, i kóng ê chiâⁿ chhù-bī, mā bô m̄-tio̍h.
Tī sió thêng-si-keng ni̍h, i kā góa kóng, i lâi iáng-ló-īⁿ tòa, in-ūi i sàn kah bô-pòaⁿ-hāng. Iū-koh in-ūi i sin-thé iáu ióng-kiāⁿ, tō ín kang-iú ê khoeh lâi chò.
Góa kā kóng, án-ne i mā iáu sǹg-sī iáng-ló-īⁿ ê īⁿ-bîn. I kóng, m̄-tio̍h, i m̄-sī. Goân-pún góa tō kám-kak hòⁿ-kî, i chheng-ho͘ kî-thaⁿ īⁿ-bîn kóng "in" a̍h-sī "kî-thaⁿ ê lâng," ū-sî-á mā ē kóng "hiah-ê lāu-lâng," sui-bóng in ū-ê iáu bô i hiah lāu. M̄-koh, tāi-chì tō-sī bô kāng. I sī kang-iú, tī bó͘-chióng kak-tō͘ khòaⁿ, i iáu koán in ē tio̍h.
Tú tī hit-sî, hō͘-sū kiâⁿ ji̍p-lâi. Chin kín thiⁿ tō àm ah. O͘-àm chin kín tō khàm tī thiⁿ-thang téng. Kang-iú khì chhi̍h khai-koan, tiān-hóe hiông-hiông sih kng, hāi góa ba̍k-chiu kui-ê khòaⁿ bô.
I kiàn-gī góa khì si̍t-tn̂g chia̍h àm. M̄-koh góa bē iau. Āu-lâi, i kóng boeh khì the̍h chi̍t poe gû-leng kapi lâi hō͘ góa. Góa lim kapi ài chham gû-leng, tō kā kóng hó. Kúi hun-cheng liáu-āu, i iōng phâng-pôaⁿ phâng kapi tńg lâi. Lim he kapi. Liáu-āu, góa giàn boeh pok-hun. M̄-koh, góa teh tiû-tû, in-ūi góa m̄-chai tī Mama sin-piⁿ sī-m̄-sī sek-ha̍p pok-hun. Siūⁿ-siūⁿ-leh, góa kám-kak eng-tong bô-iàu-kín. Góa lu chi̍t-ki hun hō͘ kang-iú, goán tō tâng-chê pok-hun.
Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, i kóng:
"Lí chai--bô, lín lāu-bú ê pêng-iú mā ē lâi chiú-lêng. Che sī chia ê lē. Góa tio̍h khì khoán kóa í-á kap o͘ kapi."
Góa mn̄g i, sī-m̄-sī ē-sái kā kúi-pha-á tiān-hóe chhiat-hoa. Pe̍h-piah ê hoán-kng hō͘ góa khí ài-khùn. I kóng, i bô hoat-tō͘. Tiān-hóe tō-sī án-ne khan ê: boeh tō lóng to̍h, bô tō lóng mài to̍h. Chū án-ne góa bô koh chù-ì i. I kiâⁿ-khui, koh tńg lâi, pâi chi̍t-kóa í-á. Kî-tiong chi̍t-tè í-á téng, i khǹg kapi-ô͘, piⁿ-á koh tha̍h chi̍t-kóa au-á. Koh-lâi, i tī góa ê tùi-bīn, Mama ê hit-pêng, chē lo̍h-lâi. Hō͘-sū mā sī tī pâng-keng ê hit-pêng, m̄-koh yi ê kha-chiah-phiaⁿ ǹg góa. Góa khòaⁿ bē tio̍h yi teh chhòng-siáⁿ. M̄-koh ùi yi chhiú-kó͘ ê tōng-chok, góa ioh yi sī teh chhiah-phòng-se. Pâng-keng ê khì-hun chin hó, kapi hō͘ góa un-loán, hoe tī àm-sî khong-khì tiong ê phang-bī, ùi khui-khui ê mn̂g ji̍p lâi. Góa ioh, góa ū sió-khóa tuh-ku--khì.
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1.2 我癮欲噗薰
我行入去. 房間光 iāⁿ-iāⁿ, 壁白 siak-siak, 天篷有天窗. 內面 ê 家具有幾塊椅仔 kap 一寡 X 形 ê 跤架. 囥 tī 房間中央彼兩个, 頂懸停一具蓋崁著 ê 棺柴. 干焦看會著幾粒仔金 sih-sih ê 螺絲, 小可捘入去, 徛 tī 棕色 ê 棺柴枋頂面. 棺柴邊, 有一个穿白長衫 ê Arab 護士, 頭殼包淺色顯目 ê 頭巾.
彼時, 工友綴 tī 我後壁入來. 伊定著是用走 ê. 伊 ti-ti-tū-tū 講:
"阮先 kā 蓋崁起 lih, m̄-koh 我會使剝螺絲, 掀蓋予你看她."
伊 ná 行 ǹg 棺柴, 我隨 kā 擋著.
伊問, "你 boaih 看?"
我應, "Boaih."
伊恬恬, 我煞歹勢, 因為我感覺我無應該 án-ne 講. 伊掠我看一下, koh 問:
"是按怎 boaih?" m̄-koh 無責備 ê 意思. 我講:
"我 mā 毋知."
伊開始撚伊 ê 頂唇鬚, 無看我, koh 講:
"我理解."
伊 ê 目睭是好看 ê 淺藍色, 面色紅牙. 伊徙一塊椅仔予我坐, 然後坐 tī 我 ê 正後面. 護士徛起來, 行向門. 彼時, 工友 kā 我講:
"她生癰仔 (eng-á)."
我毋知意思, tō 攑目看護士, 才看著她 ê 雙目下面撣頭包一 liàn hô͘-tái. 鼻 ê 位, hô͘-tái 平平. 規个她 ê 面, 干焦看會著彼條白色 ê hô͘-tái.
護士出去了, 工友講:
"我 mā 無 koh 陪你 ah."
我毋知我是毋是有按怎表示, m̄-koh 伊繼續留 tī 原位, tī 我後壁. 感覺後壁有一个人, án-ne 予我真袂自在. 房間 ni̍h 充滿著美麗 ê 黃昏 ê 日光. 有兩隻黃蜂 tī 天窗 ê 玻璃 hiⁿ-hiⁿ 叫. 我感覺家己 lú 來 lú 愛睏. 無踅頭, 我問工友, "你 kám 來遮真久 ah?" 伊馬上應我講, "五冬," -- 袂輸伊一直 teh 等我 án-ne kā 問.
Án-ne 了後, 伊變真厚話. 當初伊 mā 想袂到會來 Marengo 養老院做工友. 伊今年六十四, 本成蹛 Paris.
伊講到遮 ê 時, 我拍斷伊 ê 話. "Oh, 你毋是在地人?"
彼時, 我 koh 記起來, tī chhōa 我去見院長進前, 伊有 kā 我講起 Mama ê 代誌. 伊講, in 著緊 kā 收埋, 因為 tī 平陽 ê 所在天氣熱, 尤其是這个所在. Tō 是彼時陣, 伊講著伊 bat 蹛 tī Paris, 伊感覺真懷念. Tī Paris, 守靈著愛三工, 有時甚至四工. Tī 遮, 你猶袂赴接受親人 ê 死亡, 隨著趕緊 jek tī 靈車後 teh 送山. 彼時, in 某 tō kā 講, "好 lah, chit-lō 代誌免予這位先生知 lah." 彼个老人煞面紅, 緊 hōe 失禮. 我 tō 插話講, "袂 lah, Che mā 無啥." 我心肝想, 伊講 ê 誠趣味, mā 無毋著.
Tī 小停屍間 ni̍h, 伊 kā 我講, 伊來養老院蹛, 因為伊散 kah 無半項. 又 koh 因為伊身體猶勇健, tō 引工友 ê 缺來做.
我 kā 講, án-ne 伊 mā 猶算是養老院 ê 院民. 伊講, 毋著, 伊毋是. 原本我 tō 感覺好奇, 伊稱呼其他院民講 "in" a̍h 是 "其他 ê 人," 有時仔 mā 會講 "hiah-ê 老人," 雖罔 in 有 ê 猶無伊 hiah 老. M̄-koh, 代誌 tō 是無仝. 伊是工友, tī 某種角度看, 伊猶管 in 會著.
拄 tī 彼時, 護士行入來. 真緊天 tō 暗 ah. 烏暗真緊 tō 崁 tī 天窗頂. 工友去揤開關, 電火雄雄爍光, 害我目睭規个看無.
伊建議我去食堂食暗. M̄-koh 我袂 iau. 後來, 伊講欲去提一杯牛奶 kapi 來予我. 我啉 kapi 愛參牛奶, tō kā 講好. 幾分鐘了後, 伊用捀盤捀 kapi 轉來. 啉 he kapi. 了後, 我癮欲噗薰. M̄-koh, 我 teh tiû-tû, 因為我毋知 tī Mama 身邊是毋是適合噗薰. 想想 leh, 我感覺應當無要緊. 我 lu 一支薰予工友, 阮 tō 同齊噗薰.
過一下仔, 伊講:
"你知無, 恁老母 ê 朋友 mā 會來守靈. 這是遮 ê 例. 我著去款寡椅仔 kap 烏 kapi."
我問伊, 是毋是會使 kā 幾葩仔電火切 hoa. 白壁 ê 反光予我起愛睏. 伊講, 伊無法度. 電火 tō 是 án-ne 牽 ê: 欲 tō 攏 to̍h, 無 tō 攏莫 to̍h. 自 án-ne 我無 koh 注意伊. 伊行開, koh 轉來, 排一寡椅仔. 其中一塊椅仔頂, 伊囥 kapi 壺, 邊仔 koh tha̍h 一寡甌仔. Koh-lâi, 伊 tī 我 ê 對面, Mama ê 彼爿, 坐落來. 護士 mā 是 tī 房間 ê 彼爿, m̄-koh 她 ê 尻脊骿 ǹg 我. 我看袂著她 teh 創啥. M̄-koh ùi 她手股 ê 動作, 我臆她是 teh 刺膨紗. 房間 ê 氣氛真好, kapi 予我溫暖, 花 tī 暗時空氣中 ê 芳味, ùi 開開 ê 門入來. 我臆, 我有小可 tuh-ku 去.
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1.2
I went in. It was a very bright, whitewashed room with a skylight for a roof. The furniture consisted of some chairs and some cross-shaped sawhorses. Two of them, in the middle of the room, were supporting a closed casket. All you could see were some shiny screws, not screwed down all the way, standing out against the walnut-stained planks. Near the casket was an Arab nurse in a white smock, with a brightly colored scarf on her head.
Just then the caretaker came in behind me. He must have been running. He stuttered a little. "We put the cover on, but I'm supposed to unscrew the casket so you can see her." He was moving toward the casket when I stopped him. He said, "You don't want to?" I answered, "No." He was quiet, and I was embarrassed because I felt I shouldn't have said that. He looked at me and then asked, "Why not?" but without criticizing, as if he just wanted to know. I said, "I don't know." He started twirling his moustache, and then without looking at me, again he said, "I understand." He had nice pale blue eyes and a reddish complexion. He offered me a chair and then sat down right behind me. The nurse stood up and went toward the door. At that point the caretaker said to me, "She's got an abscess." I didn't understand, so I looked over at the nurse and saw that she had a bandage wrapped around her head just below the eyes. Where her nose should have been, the bandage was Bat. All you could see of her face was the whiteness of the bandage.
When she'd gone, the caretaker said, ''I'll leave you alone." I don't know what kind of gesture I made, but he stayed where he was, behind me. Having this presence breathing down my neck was starting to annoy me. The room was filled with beautiful late-afternoon sunlight. Two hornets were buzzing against the glass roof. I could feel myself getting sleepy. Without turning around, I said to the caretaker, "Have you been here long?" Right away he answered, "Five years"-as if he'd been waiting all along for me to ask.
After that he did a lot of talking. He would have been very surprised if anyone had told him he would end up caretaker at the Marengo home. He was sixty-four and came from Paris. At that point I interrupted him. "Oh, you're not from around here?" Then I remembered that before taking me to the director's office, he had talked to me about Maman. He'd told me that they had to bury her quickly, because it gets hot in the plains, especially in this part of the country. That was when he told me he had lived in Paris and that he had found it hard to forget it. In Paris they keep vigil over the body for three, sometimes four days. But here you barely have time to get used to the idea before you have to start running after the hearse. Then his wife had said to him, "Hush now, that's not the sort of thing to be telling the gentleman." The old man had blushed and apologized. I'd stepped in and said, "No, not at all." I thought what he'd been saying was interesting and made sense.
In the little mortuary he told me that he'd come to the horne because he was destitute. He was in good health, so he'd offered to take on the job of caretaker. I pointed out that even so he was still a resident. He said no, he wasn't. I'd already been struck by the way he had of saying "they" or "the others" and, less often, "the old people," talking about the patients, when some of them weren't any older than he was. But of course it wasn't the same. He was the caretaker, and to a certain extent he had authority over them.
Just then the nurse carne in. Night had fallen suddenly. Darkness had gathered, quickly, above the skylight. The caretaker turned the switch and I was blinded by the sudden Bash of light. He suggested I go to the dining hall for dinner. But I wasn't hungry. Then he offered to bring me a cup of coffee with milk. I like milk in my coffee, so I said yes, and he carne back a few minutes later with a tray. I drank the coffee. Then I felt like having a smoke. But I hesitated, because I didn't know if I could do it with Marnan right there. I thought about it; it didn't matter. I offered the caretaker a cigarette and we smoked.
At one point he said, "You know, your mother's friends will be coming to keep vigil too. It's customary. I have to go get some chairs and some black coffee." I asked him if he could tum off one of the lights. The glare on the white walls was making me drowsy. He said he couldn't. That was how they'd been wired: it was all or nothing. I didn't pay too much attention to him after that. He left, came back, set up some chairs. On one of them he stacked some cups around a coffee pot. Then he sat down across from me, on the other side of Maman. The nurse was on that side of the room too, but with her back to me. I couldn't see what she was doing. But the way her arms were moving made me think she was knitting. It was pleasant; the coffee had warmed me up, and the smell of Rowers on the night air was coming through the open door. I think I dozed off for a while.
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