1.3 Chiú-lêng
Góa sī khì hō͘ chhi-chhi chhā-chhā ê siaⁿ chhá chhéⁿ. In-ūi góa tú-chiah it-ti̍t ba̍k-chiu kheh-khek, taⁿ pe̍h-sek ê pâng-keng ká-ná pí thâu-tú-á koh-khah bêng-liāng ah. Tī góa bīn-chêng liân chi̍t-ê iáⁿ mā bô, múi chi̍t-ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ, múi chi̍t-ê kak-lo̍h a̍h-sī oan-khiau ká-ná lóng giàng giâ-giâ, khòaⁿ tio̍h ba̍k-chiu ē thiàⁿ.
Hit-sî, Mama ê pêng-iú ji̍p lâi. Lóng-chóng liōng-iok ū cha̍p-ê, in bô-siaⁿ bô-soeh ná-chhiūⁿ iōng phiau ê, chìn-ji̍p chha̍k-ba̍k ê kng-sòaⁿ ni̍h. In khin-khin chē lo̍h, bô chō-sêng jīm-hô í-á iô-tāng ê siaⁿ. Góa pí khòaⁿ jīm-hô lâng koh-khah siông-sè khòaⁿ in, in ta̍k-lâng ê bīn-māu a̍h chhēng-chhah góa lóng kā khòaⁿ kah chheng-chheng chhó-chhó. M̄-koh góa thiaⁿ bô in ê siaⁿ, hō͘ góa kiông boeh bē siong-sìn in sī-m̄-sī chin-chiàⁿ tī hia.
Chha-put-to só͘-ū ê cha-bó͘-lâng lóng chhēng ûi-kûn, ân-ân hâ tī io ê tòa-á hō͘ yin ê pak-tó͘ khòaⁿ khí-lâi koh-khah phok chhut-lâi. Í-chêng góa m̄-bat chù-ì tio̍h, cha-bó͘-lâng ê pak-tó͘ ū kah hiah tōa. Chha-put-to só͘-ū ê cha-po͘-lâng lóng sán-sán, lóng gia̍h koái-á. In ê bīn hō͘ góa ìn-siōng siōng chhim ê sī, góa khòaⁿ bē tio̍h in ê ba̍k-chiu, kan-ta khòaⁿ tio̍h tī jiâu-hûn lap-o ni̍h ê bî-bî siám-kng.
Tng in chē-lo̍h, tōa-pō͘-hūn lóng khòaⁿ góa, koh chhâ-chhâ tìm chi̍t-ē thâu, in ê chhùi-tûn ǹg bô-gê ê chhùi-lāi suh chi̍t-ē, án-ne góa mā m̄-chai in sī-m̄-sī teh kap góa phah chio-ho͘, a̍h-sī he kan-ta sī in ê sîn-keng chū-jiân tiuh chi̍t-ē. Góa siūⁿ in sī teh phah chio-ho͘. Hit-sî, góa mā hoat-kak, in lóng ná chē tī góa ê tùi-bīn hiòng, ná tìm-thâu, ûi tī kang-iú piⁿ-á. Hiông-hiông, góa ū chi̍t-ê hó-chhiò ê kám-kak, in lóng tī hia teh boeh sím-phòaⁿ góa.
Kòe bô kú, chi̍t-ê cha-bó͘ khai-sí teh khàu. Yi chē tī tē-jī pâi, hō͘ chi̍t-ê tông-phōaⁿ cha̍h tio̍h, góa khòaⁿ yi bē chheng-chhó. Yi khin-siaⁿ teh khàu, bô chi̍t-sî thêng, put-sî teh chheh-khùi. Góa siūⁿ-kóng yi éng-oán bē thêng lah. Pa̍t-lâng ká-ná lóng bô thiaⁿ tio̍h kāng-khoán, kan-ta chē tī hia, keng-thâu giâ-giâ, bīn iu-iu, tiām-tiām bô chhut-siaⁿ. Ū-sî in khòaⁿ koaⁿ-chhâ, a̍h-sī khòaⁿ in ê koái-á, a̍h-sī pa̍t-hāng mi̍h-kiāⁿ, tō-sī án-ne niā-niā. Hit-ê cha-bó͘ iáu-koh teh khàu. Che hō͘ góa chin ì-gōa, in-ūi góa m̄-chai yi sī siáⁿ-lâng. Kang-iú áⁿ-thâu tùi yi kóng kóa siáⁿ, m̄-koh cha-bó͘ hàiⁿ-thâu, i-i ū-ū kóng kóa siáⁿ, tō kè-sio̍k kap tú-chiah kāng-khoán koh khàu.
Āu-lâi, kang-iú kiâⁿ kòe-lâi góa chit-pêng, chē tī góa piⁿ-á. Kòe kú-kú chi̍t-khùn, ba̍k-chiu bô khòaⁿ góa, i chiah kái-soeh kóng:
"Yi kap lín lāu-bú chin máchih. I kóng, lín lāu-bú sī yi ûi-it ê pêng-iú, taⁿ yi lóng bô pêng-iú ah."
Goán chiū án-ne tī hia kú-kú chē leh. Hit-ê cha-bó͘ ê khàu siaⁿ kap chheh-khùi siaⁿ bān-bān tiām khì. Yi koh ti̍t-ti̍t chhǹg-phīⁿ. Lo̍h-bóe, yi chóng-sǹg tiām khì ah.
Góa bô koh ài-khùn, m̄-koh góa chin thiám, kha-chiah-phiaⁿ sng koh thiàⁿ. Chit-sî, hiah-ê bô-siaⁿ bô-soeh ê lâng tian-tò hō͘ góa ē put-an. Chí-put-kò, ū sî-chūn góa ē thiaⁿ tio̍h kî-koài ê siaⁿ-im, che góa mā m̄-chai tàu-té sī siáⁿ. Lo̍h-bóe góa chiah chai-iáⁿ, sī in-ūi ū-ê lāu-lâng suh in siang-pêng ê chhùi-phé, chō-sêng chit-chióng chip-chhùi ê koài siaⁿ. In lóng sit-lo̍h tī ka-tī ê su-sióng ni̍h, pún-sin mā m̄-chai ū chit-ê tāi-chì. Góa sīm-chì ū chi̍t-ê ìn-siōng, hit-ê tó tī in bīn-chêng ê sí-khì ê cha-bó͘, ká-ná kap in mā bô siáⁿ tī-tāi. M̄-koh, taⁿ góa siūⁿ khí-lâi, he sī chhò-gō͘ ê ìn-siōng.
Goán lóng lim kóa kapi, sī kang-iú thîn hō͘ goán lim ê. Liáu-āu góa tō bô siáⁿ ìn-siōng ah. Àm-mê hun-hun bió-bió teh kòe. Góa ē-kì-tit, ū chi̍t-kái góa peh-kim ba̍k-chiu, khòaⁿ tio̍h só͘-ū hiah-ê lāu-lâng khùn kah lâng ku-ku, kan-ta ū chi̍t-ê lāu cha-po͘, ē-hâi khòe tī i tēⁿ koái-á pèⁿ ê siang-chhiú téng-bīn, ba̍k-chiu kim-kim lia̍h góa siòng, bē-su i sī teh tán góa chhéⁿ lâi. Āu-lâi, góa koh tuh-ku khì. Góa koh chhéⁿ lâi, in-ūi góa ê kha-chiah-phiaⁿ lú lâi lú kan-khó͘.
Chá-khí ê phú-kng bān-bān pê-chiūⁿ thiⁿ-thang. Kòe bô gōa kú, kî-tiong chi̍t-ê lāu-lâng chhéⁿ lâi, sàu kah chin lī-hāi. I put-sî kā thâm phùi tī chi̍t-tiâu ū kî-pôaⁿ tô͘-àn ê chhiú-kin-á ni̍h, múi sàu chi̍t-pái tō ná sī chi̍t-pái ê kiù-kin. I kā pa̍t-lâng lóng phah chhéⁿ ah, chū án-ne, kang-iú kā in kóng, taⁿ in tio̍h kín lī-khui ah. In tō lóng khiā khí-lâi. Chit-lō sin-khó͘ ê chiú-lêng hō͘ in ta̍k-ê lóng bīn-á chheⁿ-sún-sún. In lī-khui ê sî, koh hō͘ góa ì-gōa ê sī, in lóng kap góa ak-chhiú -- bē-su chi̍t-àm ê chò-hóe, sui-jiân liân chi̍t-kù ōe to bô sio chioh-mn̄g, í-keng hō͘ goán lóng khah chhin-kīn ah-lah.
Góa chiok thiám ê. Kang-iú chhōa góa khì i ê pâng-keng sió sé-tn̄g chi̍t-ē. Góa koh lim kóa gû-leng kapi, che chiâⁿ hó. Tán góa koh kiâⁿ chhut gōa-kháu, ji̍t-thâu í-keng chhut-lâi ah. Marengo hām tōa-hái chi-kan ê soaⁿ téng-bīn ê thiⁿ-sek âng kì-kì. Chhoe kòe soaⁿ-téng lo̍h-lâi ê hong ū kiâm-kiâm ê hái-chúi bī. Che chiong sī chin súi ê chi̍t kang. Góa í-keng chin kú bô kàu chng-kha lâi, nā m̄-sī ūi-tio̍h Mama ê tāi-chì, góa sī gōa-nī siūⁿ boeh ē-tàng khì sàn-pō͘ ah.
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1.3 守靈
我是去予 chhi-chhi chhā-chhā ê 聲吵醒. 因為我拄才一直目睭瞌瞌, 今白色 ê 房間 ká-ná 比頭拄仔 koh 較明亮 ah. Tī 我面前連一个影 mā 無, 每一个物件, 每一个角落 a̍h 是彎曲 ká-ná 攏 giàng giâ-giâ, 看著目睭會疼.
彼時, Mama ê 朋友入來. 攏總量約有十个, in 無聲無說 ná 像用飄 ê, 進入鑿目 ê 光線 ni̍h. In 輕輕坐落, 無造成任何椅仔搖動 ê 聲. 我比看任何人 koh 較詳細看 in, in 逐人 ê 面貌 a̍h 穿插我攏 kā 看 kah 清清楚楚. M̄-koh 我聽無 in ê 聲, 予我強欲袂相信 in 是毋是真正 tī 遐.
差不多所有 ê 查某人攏穿圍裙, 絚絚縖 tī 腰 ê 帶仔予姻 ê 腹肚看起來 koh 較 phok 出來. 以前我毋 bat 注意著, 查某人 ê 腹肚有 kah hiah 大. 差不多所有 ê 查埔人攏瘦瘦, 攏攑枴仔. In ê 面予我印象上深 ê 是, 我看袂著 in ê 目睭, 干焦看著 tī 皺痕 lap-o ni̍h ê 微微閃光.
當 in 坐落, 大部份攏看我, koh 柴柴 tìm 一下頭, in ê 喙唇 ǹg 無牙 ê 喙內欶一下, án-ne 我 mā 毋知 in 是毋是 teh kap 我拍招呼, a̍h 是 he 干焦是 in ê 神經自然 tiuh 一下. 我想 in 是 teh 拍招呼. 彼時, 我 mā 發覺, in 攏 ná 坐 tī 我 ê 對面向, ná tìm 頭, 圍 tī 工友邊仔. 雄雄, 我有一个好笑 ê 感覺, in 攏 tī 遐 teh 欲審判我.
過無久, 一个查某開始 teh 哭. 她坐 tī 第二排, 予一个同伴閘著, 我看她袂清楚. 她輕聲 teh 哭, 無一時停, 不時 teh chheh-khùi. 我想講她永遠袂停 lah. 別人 ká-ná 攏無聽著仝款, 干焦坐 tī 遐, 肩頭 giâ-giâ, 面憂憂, 恬恬無出聲. 有時 in 看棺柴, a̍h 是看 in ê 枴仔, a̍h 是別項物件, tō 是 án-ne niā-niā. 彼个查某猶 koh teh 哭. Che 予我真意外, 因為我毋知她是啥人. 工友 áⁿ 頭對她講寡啥, m̄-koh 查某幌頭, i-i ū-ū 講寡啥, tō 繼續 kap 拄才仝款 koh 哭.
後來, 工友行過來我這爿, 坐 tī 我邊仔. 過久久一睏, 目睭無看我, 伊才解說講:
"她 kap 恁老母真 máchih. 伊講, 恁老母是她唯一 ê 朋友, 今她攏無朋友 ah."
阮就 án-ne tī 遐久久坐 leh. 彼个查某 ê 哭聲 kap chheh-khùi 聲慢慢恬去. 她 koh 直直擤鼻. 落尾, 她總算恬去 ah.
我無 koh 愛睏, m̄-koh 我真忝, 尻脊骿酸 koh 疼. 這時, hiah-ê 無聲無說 ê 人顛倒予我會不安. 只不過, 有時陣我會聽著奇怪 ê 聲音, che 我 mā 毋知到底是啥. 落尾我才知影, 是因為有 ê 老人欶 in 雙爿 ê 喙䫌, 造成這種 chip 喙 ê 怪聲. In 攏失落 tī 家己 ê 思想 ni̍h, 本身 mā 毋知有這个代誌. 我甚至有一个印象, 彼个倒 tī in 面前 ê 死去 ê 查某, ká-ná kap in mā 無啥 tī-tāi. M̄-koh, 今我想起來, he 是錯誤 ê 印象.
阮攏啉寡 kapi, 是工友 thîn 予阮啉 ê. 了後我 tō 無啥印象 ah. 暗暝分分秒秒 teh 過. 我會記得, 有一改我 peh-kim 目睭, 看著所有 hiah-ê 老人睏 kah 人 ku-ku, 干焦有一个老查埔, 下頦 khòe tī 伊捏枴仔柄 ê 雙手頂面, 目睭 kim-kim 掠我相, 袂輸伊是 teh 等我醒來. 後來, 我 koh tuh-ku 去. 我 koh 醒來, 因為我 ê 尻脊骿 lú 來 lú 艱苦.
早起 ê 殕光慢慢爬上天窗. 過無 gōa 久, 其中一个老人醒來, 嗽 kah 真厲害. 伊不時 kā 痰呸 tī 一條有棋盤圖案 ê 手巾仔 ni̍h, 每嗽一擺 tō ná 是一擺 ê 糾筋. 伊 kā 別人攏拍醒 ah, 自 án-ne, 工友 kā in 講, 今 in 著緊離開 ah. In tō 攏徛起來. Chit-lō 辛苦 ê 守靈予 in 逐个攏面仔青 sún-sún. In 離開 ê 時, koh 予我意外 ê 是, in 攏 kap 我握手 -- 袂輸一暗 ê 做伙, 雖然連一句話 to 無相借問, 已經予阮攏較親近 ah-lah.
我足忝 ê. 工友 chhōa 我去伊 ê 房間小洗盪一下. 我 koh 啉寡牛奶 kapi, che 誠好. 等我 koh 行出外口, 日頭已經出來 ah. Marengo 和大海之間 ê 山頂面 ê 天色紅 kì-kì. 吹過山頂落來 ê 風有鹹鹹 ê 海水味. 這將是真媠 ê 一工. 我已經真久無到庄跤來, 若毋是為著 Mama ê 代誌, 我是 gōa-nī 想欲會當去散步 ah.
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1.3
It was a rustling sound that woke me up. Because I'd had my eyes closed, the whiteness of the room seemed even brighter than before. There wasn't a shadow anywhere in front of me, and every object, every angle and curve stood out so sharply it made my eyes hurt. That's when Maman's friends came in. There were about ten in all, and they Boated into the blinding light without a sound. They sat down without a single chair creaking. I saw them more clearly than I had ever seen anyone, and not one detail of their faces or their clothes escaped me. But I couldn't hear them, and it was hard for me to believe they really existed. Almost all the women were wearing aprons, and the strings, which were tied tight around their waists, made their bulging stomachs stick out even more. I'd never noticed what huge stomachs old women can have. Almost all the men were skinny and carried canes. What struck me most about their faces was that I couldn't see their eyes, just a faint glimmer in a nest of wrinkles. When they'd sat down, most of them looked at me and nodded awkwardly, their lips sucked in by their toothless mouths, so that I couldn't tell if they were greeting me or if it was just a nervous tic. I think they were greeting me. It was then that I realized they were all sitting across from me, nodding their heads, grouped around the caretaker. For a second I had the ridiculous feeling that they were there to judge me.
Soon one of the women started crying. She was in the second row, hidden behind one of her companions, and I couldn't see her very well. She was crying softly, steadily, in little sobs. I thought she'd never stop. The others seemed not to hear her. They sat there hunched up, gloomy and silent. They would look at the casket, or their canes, or whatever else, but that was all they would look at. The woman kept on crying. It surprised me, because I didn't know who she was. I wished I didn't have to listen to her anymore. But I didn't dare say anything. The caretaker leaned over and said something to her, but she shook her head, mumbled something, and went on crying as much as before. Then the caretaker came around to my side. He sat down next to me. After a long pause he explained, without looking at me, "She was very close to your mother. She says your mother was her only friend and now she hasn't got anyone."
We just sat there like that for quite a while. The woman's sighs and sobs were quieting down. She sniffled a lot. Then finally she shut up. I didn't feel drowsy anymore, but I was tired and my back was hurting me. Now it was all these people not making a sound that was getting on my nerves. Except that every now and then I'd hear a strange noise and I couldn't figure out what it was. Finally I realized that some of the old people were sucking at the insides of their cheeks and making these weird smacking noises. They were so lost in their thoughts that they weren't even aware of it. I even had the impression that the dead woman lying in front of them didn't mean anything to them. But I think now that that was a false impression.
We all had some coffee, served by the caretaker. After that I don't know any more. The night passed. I remember opening my eyes at one point and seeing that all the old people were slumped over asleep, except for one old man, with his chin resting on the back of his hands wrapped around his cane, who was staring at me as if he were just waiting for me to wake up. Then I dozed off again. I woke up because my back was hurting more and more. Dawn was creeping up over the skylight. Soon afterwards, one of the old men woke up and coughed a lot. He kept hacking into a large checkered handkerchief, and every cough was like a convulsion. He woke the others up, and the caretaker told them that they ought to be going. They got up. The uncomfortable vigil had left their faces ashen looking. On their way out, and much to my surprise, they all shook my hand--as if that night during which we hadn't exchanged as much as a single word had somehow brought us closer together.
I was tired. The caretaker took me to his room and I was able to clean up a little. I had some more coffee and milk, which was very good. When I went outside, the sun was up. Above the hills that separate Marengo from the sea, the sky was streaked with red. And the wind coming over the hills brought the smell of salt with it. It was going to be a beautiful day. It had been a long time since I'd been out in the country, and I could feel how much I'd enjoy going for a walk if it hadn't been for Maman.
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