9.3 院長講, 我 ê 鎮靜予伊著驚

9.3 Īⁿ-tiúⁿ kóng, góa ê tìn-chēng hō͘ i tio̍h-kiaⁿ

Kiám-chhat-koaⁿ oa̍t kha-chiah-āu chi̍t-pòaⁿ tùi góa, bô teh khòaⁿ góa tō khai-sí kóng, têng-siōng nā tah-èng, i siūⁿ boeh chai-iáⁿ góa ka-tī chi̍t-ê tńg chúi-chôaⁿ hia, sī-m̄-sī boeh khì thâi hit-ê Arab-lâng. "M̄-sī," góa kóng. Hmh, sī án-chóaⁿ góa chah chhèng, án-chóaⁿ góa to̍k-to̍k tńg-khì hit-ê só͘-chāi? Góa kóng, tāi-chì tō sī án-ne ah. Kiám-chhat-koaⁿ iōng chi̍t-ê ok-chit ê siaⁿ-sàu kóng, "Chiām-sî kàu chia."

Án-ne liáu, tāi-chì tō bô siáⁿ chheng-chhó ah, siōng bô tùi góa sī án-ne. Keng-kòe sió-khóa thó-lūn liáu, hoat-koaⁿ soan-pò͘ kóng, hiu-têng kàu ē-po͘, kàu-sî chiah lâi thiaⁿ chèng-jîn ê chèng-sû.

Góa sīm-chì bô sî-kan thang su-khó, tō hông chhōa chhut-khì, sak chiūⁿ-chhia, chài tńg kaⁿ-ga̍k, tī hia chia̍h-tàu. Kòe bô gōa kú, góa tú-tú kám-kak thiám oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ, in tō koh lâi thê góa; kui-ê tāi-chì iū-koh khai-sí ah, góa koh lâi kàu sio-kāng ê hoat-têng, bīn-tùi sio-kāng ê lâng-bīn. Chí-sī chit-sî ke chin joa̍h, bē-su sī kî-chek, pôe-sím-thoân ê ta̍k-lâng, kiám-chhat-koaⁿ, góa ê lu̍t-su, kap ū kóa kì-chiá mā lóng lâng-lâng gia̍h chháu khôe-sìⁿ. Hit-ê siàu-liân kì-chiá kap ki-khì cha-bó͘ mā iáu tī hia. In bô teh ia̍t khôe-sìⁿ, m̄-koh in iáu-sī tiām-tiām teh khòaⁿ góa.

Góa chhit tiāu móa bīn ê kōaⁿ, it-ti̍t kàu thiaⁿ-tio̍h lâng kiò iáng-ló-īⁿ īⁿ-tiúⁿ ê miâ, góa chiah sió-khóa ì-sek tio̍h taⁿ góa sī tī tó-ūi, teh chhòng siáⁿ. In mn̄g i, Mama sī-m̄-sī bat oàn góa, i kóng sī, m̄-koh he sī tòa hia ê lāu-lâng it-poaⁿ lóng ū ê, tùi in chhin-chiâⁿ ê bâi-oàn. Hoat-koaⁿ kiò i kóng-bêng, yi sī-m̄-sī bat chek-pī kóng góa kā sàng khì tòa iáng-ló-īⁿ, īⁿ-tiúⁿ koh kóng sī. M̄-koh chit-kái i bô koh ke kóng siáⁿ.

Tùi pa̍t-ê būn-tê, i hôe-tap kóng, song-lé kî-kan góa ê tìn-chēng hō͘ i kám-kak tio̍h-kiaⁿ. In mn̄g i "tìn-chēng" sī siáⁿ ì-sù. Īⁿ-tiúⁿ, ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ i ê ê-á, kóng góa bô-ài khòaⁿ Mama, kóng góa lóng bô khàu, koh kóng song-lé chi̍t soah góa bô pài-bōng tō sûi cháu ah. Iáu-koh ū chi̍t-hāng tāi-chì hō͘ i tio̍h-kiaⁿ: chi̍t-ê pin-gî-koán ê lâng kā i kóng, góa m̄-chai goán lāu-bú kúi-hòe. Hoat-têng kui-ê an-chēng lo̍h-lâi, hoat-koaⁿ tō mn̄g i kóng, i ū khak-tēng góa tō sī i só͘ kóng ê hit-ê lâng bô. Īⁿ-tiúⁿ thiaⁿ bô būn-tê ê ì-sù, hoat-koaⁿ tō kā kóng, "Che sī hoat-têng ê kui-chek lah."

I koh mn̄g kiám-chhat-koaⁿ iáu ū būn-tê boeh mn̄g chèng-jîn bô, kiám-chhat-koaⁿ hoah-siaⁿ kóng, "Oh, bô, í-keng chin chhiong-hun ah!" I iōng hoaⁿ-hí koh sèng-lī ê gán-sîn khòaⁿ góa, ín-khí góa kúi-ā nî lâi tē-it pái gōng-gōng siūⁿ boeh khàu, in-ūi góa ē-tàng kám-kak tio̍h hiah-ê lâng ná ē hiah-nī oàn-chheh góa.

Mn̄g pôe-sím-thoân kap góa ê lu̍t-su sī-m̄-sī iáu ū būn-tê liáu, hoat-koaⁿ tō thoân kang-iú ji̍p-lâi. Kap só͘-ū ê pa̍t-lâng sio-kāng, i mā tio̍h keng-kòe kāng-khoán ê gî-sek. Khiā tī chèng-jîn-tâi ê sî, kang-iú lia̍h góa khòaⁿ chi̍t-ē tō koh khòaⁿ pa̍t-ūi. I hôe-tap lâng kā mn̄g ê būn-tê. I kóng, góa bô-ài khòaⁿ Mama, kóng góa ū pok-hun, mā ū sió-khóa khùn, koh kóng góa ū lim chi̍t-kóa kapi. Hit-sî, góa kám-kak hoat-têng ni̍h ū chi̍t-chūn jiáu-tāng, chho͘-chhù hō͘ góa chheng-chhó góa ū-chōe. In kiò kang-iú kā he iú-koan lim kapi kap pok-hun ê pō͘-hūn koh kóng chi̍t-piàn.

Kiám-chhat-koaⁿ kō͘ chi̍t-ê khau-sé ê ba̍k-sîn khòaⁿ góa. Hit-sî, góa ê lu̍t-su mn̄g kang-iú, i kám m̄-sī oân-á ū hām góa pok-hun. M̄-koh, kiám-chhat-koaⁿ ke̍k-le̍k hoán-tùi chit-ê būn-tê. "Tī chia sī siáng teh siū-sím ah, che sī siáⁿ-mih pō͘-sò͘, siūⁿ boeh boah-o͘ kiám-hong ê chèng-jîn, í-piān kiám-khin tōa iàu-kín ê chèng-sû!" Sui-jiân án-ne, hoat-koaⁿ iáu-sī kiò kang-iú hôe-tap hit-ê būn-tê.

Hit-ê lāu-lâng pháiⁿ-sè pháiⁿ-sè kóng, "Góa chai góa án-ne ū m̄-tio̍h. M̄-koh, hit-ūi sian-siⁿ tu hun hō͘ góa, góa pháiⁿ-sè kā kī-choa̍t."

Chòe-āu, in mn̄g góa ū siáⁿ boeh pó͘-chhiong bô. "Bô," góa kóng, "chèng-jîn bô m̄-tio̍h, sī góa the̍h hun hō͘ i."

Kang-iú kō͘ chi̍t-ê tio̍h-kiaⁿ koh kám-siā ê gán-sîn khòaⁿ góa. I tiû-tû chi̍t-ē, koh kóng, sī i the̍h kapi hō͘ góa lim.

Góa ê lu̍t-su chin thiòng, tō tōa-siaⁿ kóng, pôe-sím-thoân ē chù-ì tio̍h chit-ê sū-si̍t.

M̄-koh, kiám-chhat-koaⁿ taⁿ-thâu tōa-siaⁿ hoah kóng, "Khak-si̍t, pôe-sím-thoân kok-ūi sian-siⁿ ē chù-ì tio̍h hit-ê sū-si̍t. In ē tit-tio̍h kiat-lūn, chheⁿ-hūn-lâng ē-sái phâng-lâi chi̍t-poe kapi, m̄-koh, tī seⁿ i chhut-sì ê lâng ê sí-thé sin-piⁿ, chit-ê kiáⁿ tio̍h kī-choa̍t hit-poe kapi."

Kang-iú tńg-khì i ê chē-ūi.

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9.3 院長講, 我 ê 鎮靜予伊著驚

檢察官越尻脊後一半對我, 無 teh 看我 tō 開始講, 庭上若答應, 伊想欲知影我家己一个轉水泉遐, 是毋是欲去刣彼个 Arab 人. "毋是," 我講. Hmh, 是按怎我扎銃, 按怎我 to̍k-to̍k 轉去彼个所在? 我講, 代誌 tō 是 án-ne ah. 檢察官用一个惡質 ê 聲嗽講, "暫時到遮."

Án-ne 了, 代誌 tō 無啥清楚 ah, 上無對我是 án-ne. 經過小可討論了, 法官宣布講, 休庭到下晡, 到時才來聽證人 ê 證詞.

我甚至無時間通思考, tō hông chhōa 出去, 捒上車, 載轉監獄, tī 遐食晝. 過無偌久, 我拄拄感覺忝 oaiⁿ-oaiⁿ, in tō koh 來提我; 規个代誌又 koh 開始 ah, 我 koh 來到相仝 ê 法庭, 面對相仝 ê 人面. 只是這時加真熱, 袂輸是奇蹟, 陪審團 ê 逐人, 檢察官, 我 ê 律師, kap 有寡記者 mā lóng 人人攑草葵扇. 彼个少年記者 kap 機器查某 mā 猶 tī 遐. In 無 teh 擛葵扇, m̄-koh in 猶是恬恬 teh 看我.

我拭掉滿面 ê 汗, 一直到聽著人叫養老院院長 ê 名, 我才小可意識著今我是 tī 佗位, teh 創啥. In 問伊, Mama 是毋是 bat 怨我, 伊講是, m̄-koh he 是蹛遐 ê 老人一般 lóng 有 ê, 對 in 親 chiâⁿ ê 埋怨. 法官叫伊講明, 她是毋是 bat 責備講我 kā 送去蹛養老院, 院長 koh 講是. M̄-koh 這改伊無 koh 加講啥.

對別个問題, 伊回答講, 喪禮期間我 ê 鎮靜予伊感覺著驚. In 問伊 "鎮靜" 是啥意思. 院長, 目睭看伊 ê 鞋仔, 講我無愛看 Mama, 講我 lóng 無哭, koh 講喪禮一煞我無拜墓 tō 隨走 ah. 猶 koh 有一項代誌予伊著驚: 一个殯儀館 ê 人 kā 伊講, 我毋知阮老母幾歲. 法庭規个安靜落來, 法官 tō 問伊講, 伊有確定我 tō 是伊所講 ê 彼个人無. 院長聽無問題 ê 意思, 法官 tō kā 講, "這是法庭 ê 規則 lah."

伊 koh 問檢察官猶有問題欲問證人無, 檢察官喝聲講, "Oh, 無, 已經真充分 ah!" 伊用歡喜 koh 勝利 ê 眼神看我, 引起我幾 ā 年來第一擺戇戇想欲哭, 因為我會當感覺著 hiah-ê 人那會 hiah-nī 怨慼我.

問陪審團 kap 我 ê 律師是毋是猶有問題了, 法官 tō 傳工友入來. Kap 所有 ê 別人相仝, 伊 mā 著經過仝款 ê 儀式. 徛 tī 證人台 ê 時, 工友掠我看一下 tō koh 看別位. 伊回答人 kā 問 ê 問題. 伊講, 我無愛看 Mama, kóng 我有噗薰, mā 有小可睏, koh 講我有啉一寡 kapi. 彼時, 我感覺法庭 ni̍h 有一陣擾動, 初次予我清楚我有罪. In 叫工友 kā he 有關啉 kapi kap 噗薰 ê 部份 koh 講一遍.

檢察官 kō͘ 一个剾洗 ê 目神看我. 彼時, 我 ê 律師問工友, 伊敢毋是 oân-á 有和我噗薰. M̄-koh, 檢察官極力反對這个問題. "Tī 遮是 siáng teh 受審 ah, 這是啥物步數, 想欲抹烏檢方 ê 證人, 以便減輕大要緊 ê 證詞!" 雖然 án-ne, 法官猶是叫工友回答彼个問題.

彼个老人歹勢歹勢講, "我知我 án-ne 有毋著. M̄-koh, 彼位先生 tu 薰予我, 我歹勢 kā 拒絕."

最後, in 問我有啥欲補充無. "無," 我講, "證人無毋著, 是我提薰予伊."

工友 kō͘ 一个著驚 koh 感謝 ê 眼神看我. 伊躊躇一下, koh 講, 是伊提 kapi 予我啉.

我 ê 律師真暢, tō 大聲講, 陪審團會注意著這个事實.

M̄-koh, 檢察官 taⁿ 頭大聲喝講, "確實, 陪審團各位先生會注意著彼个事實. In 會得著結論, 生份人會使捀來一杯 kapi, m̄-koh, tī 生伊出世 ê 人 ê 死體身邊, 這个囝著拒絕彼杯 kapi."

工友轉去伊 ê 坐位.

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9.3

The prosecutor had his back half-turned to me, and without looking at me he stated that, with the court's permission, he would like to know whether I had gone back to the spring by myself intending to kill the Arab. "No," I said. Well, then, why was I armed and why did I return to precisely that spot? I said it just happened that way. And the prosecutor noted in a nasty voice, "That will be all for now." After that things got a little confused, at least for me. But after some conferring, the judge announced that the hearing was adjourned until the afternoon, at which time the witnesses would be heard.

I didn't even have time to think. I was taken out, put into the van, and driven to the prison, where I had something to eat. After a very short time, just long enough for me to realize I was tired, they carne back for me; the whole thing started again, and I found myself in the same courtroom, in front of the same faces. Only it was much hotter, and as if by some miracle each member of the jury, the prosecutor, my lawyer, and some of the reporters, too, had been provided with straw fans. The young reporter and the little robot woman were still there. They weren't fanning themselves, but they were still watching me without saying a word.

I wiped away the sweat covering my face, and I had barely become aware of where I was and what I was doing when I heard the director of the home being called. He was asked whether Marnan ever complained about me, and he said yes but that some of it was just a way the residents all had of complaining about their relatives. The judge had him clarify whether she used to reproach me for having put her in the horne, and the director again said yes. But this time he didn't add anything else. To another question he replied that he had been surprised by my calm the day of the funeral. He was asked what he meant by "calm." The director then looked down at the tips of his shoes and said that I hadn't wanted to see Marnan, that I hadn't cried once, and that I had left right after the funeral without paying my last respects at her grave. And one other thing had surprised him: one of the men who worked for the undertaker had told him I didn't know how old Marnan was. There was a brief silence, a n d then the j udge asked him if he was sure I was the man he had just been speaking of. The director didn't understand the question, so the judge told him, "It's a formality." He then asked the prosecutor if he had any questions to put to the witness, and the prosecutor exclaimed, "Oh no, that is quite sufficient!" with such glee and with such a triumphant look in my direction that for the first time in years I had this stupid urge to cry, because I could feel how much all these people hated me.

After asking the jury and my lawyer if they had any questions, the judge called the caretaker. The same ritual was repeated for him as for all the others. As he took the stand the caretaker glanced at me and then looked away. He answered the questions put to him. He said I hadn't wanted to see Maman, that I had smoked and slept some, and that I had had some coffee. It was then I felt a stirring go through the room and for the first time I realized that I was guilty. The caretaker was asked to repeat the part about the coffee and the cigarette. The prosecutor looked at me with an ironic gleam in his eye. At that point my lawyer asked the caretaker if it wasn't true that he had smoked a cigarette with me. But the prosecutor objected vehemently to this question. "Who is on trial here and what kind of tactics are these, trying to taint the witnesses for the prosecution in an effort to detract from testimony that remains nonetheless overwhelming!" In spite of all that, the judge directed the caretaker to answer the question. The old man looked embarrassed and said, "I know I was wrong to do it. But I couldn't refuse the cigarette when monsieur offered it to me." Lastly, I was asked if I had anything to add. "Nothing," I said, "except that the witness is right. It's true, I did offer him a cigarette." The caretaker gave me a surprised and somehow grateful look. He hesitated and then he said that he was the one who offered me the coffee. My lawyer was exultant and stated loudly that the jury would take note of the fact. But the prosecutor shouted over our heads and said, "Indeed, the gentlemen of the jury will take note of the fact. And they will conclude that a stranger may offer a cup of coffee, but that beside the body of the one who brought him into the world, a son should have refused it." The caretaker went back to his bench.

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