1.4 無看最後一面

1.4 Bô khòaⁿ chòe-āu chi̍t-bīn

Góa tī mn̂g-tiâⁿ ni̍h tán, khiā tī chi̍t-châng hiân-lêng-bo̍k (懸鈴木, plane tree) ē-bīn. Góa suh ê khong-khì ni̍h ū sin-sian ê thô͘ bī, góa bē ài-khùn ah. Góa siūⁿ tio̍h kāng pān-kong-sek ê tông-sū. Chit-ê sî-chūn in eng-tong ná teh khí-chhn̂g, chún-pī khì siōng-pan: tùi góa lâi kóng, he sī góa chi̍t-kang lāi-té siōng thòng-khó͘ ê sî-chūn. Góa koh siūⁿ chi̍t-kóa hit-khoán ê tāi-chì, m̄-koh khì hō͘ chhù lāi-té ê lêng-á siaⁿ phah tn̄g góa ê su-lō͘. Thang-á lāi-bīn chhut-hiān chi̍t-chūn jiáu-tāng ê siaⁿ, āu-lâi mā koh an-chēng lo̍h-lâi ah. Chit-chūn, ji̍t-thâu í-keng peh khah koân ah: góa ê kha hō͘ chiò kah sio-sio. Kang-iú kiâⁿ kòe mn̂g-tiâⁿ lâi kā góa kóng, īⁿ-tiúⁿ boeh kìⁿ góa. Góa tō khì i ê pān-kong-sek. I kiò góa tī kúi-ê bûn-kiāⁿ téng chhiam-miâ. Góa chù-ì tio̍h, i chhēng o͘-sek ê lé-ho̍k, kah iù sòaⁿ-tiâu ê tn̂g-khò͘. I kā tiān-ōe the̍h khí-lâi, oa̍t-thâu tùi góa kóng:

"Pin-gî-koán ê lâng lâi chi̍t-khùn ah. Góa boeh kiò in só koaⁿ-chhâ kòa. Tī he chìn-chêng, lí boeh khòaⁿ lín lāu-bú chòe-āu chi̍t-bīn bô?"

Góa kóng, bián.

I tō iōng tiān-ōe hā-lēng, siaⁿ-im ah-kē kóng: "Figeac, kā in kóng, ē-sái chìn-hêng ah."

Án-ne liáu-āu, i kā góa kóng, i ē chham-ka song-lé, góa kā i soeh-siā. I chē-lo̍h tī pān-kong-toh āu-bīn, kā nn̄g-ki té-té ê kha sio-khòe. I kā góa kóng, sàng-soaⁿ ê lâng tî-liáu ti̍t-pan ê hō͘-sū, kan-ta ū i kap góa. Īⁿ ni̍h ê lāu-lâng it-poaⁿ sī m̄-chún chham-ka song-lé. I kan-ta ín-chún in khì chiú-lêng.

"Án-ne tùi in khah jîn-chû," i kái-soeh kóng. M̄-koh, chit-kái, i te̍k-pia̍t ín-chún goán lāu-bú ê chi̍t-ê pêng-iú, Thomas Pérez, lâi sàng-soaⁿ. Kóng tio̍h che, īⁿ-tiúⁿ chhùi-kak chhiò-chhiò. I kóng, "Góa siūⁿ, lí ē-tàng lí-kái. Che sī chin gín-á-sèng ê kám-chêng. I hām lín lāu-bú hó kah kiông boeh pak bē khui. Kî-thaⁿ ê lāu-lâng tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ kap in kún-chhiò, kóng ‘Pérez ū chi̍t-ê bī-hun-chhe.’ I thiaⁿ tio̍h, ka-tī mā tōa chhiò. Ta̍k-ê lóng kún kah chiâⁿ hó-sńg. Sū-si̍t-siōng, i kā Meursault Tt ê kòe-sin khòaⁿ kah chin giâm-tiōng. Góa siūⁿ, góa bô khoân-lī kī-choa̍t i. M̄-koh góa thiaⁿ īⁿ ni̍h hóng-būn i-su ê kiàn-gī, cha-mê góa bô ín-chún i khì chiú-lêng."

Goán tiām-tiām chi̍t-khùn bô koh kóng siáⁿ. Īⁿ-tiúⁿ khiā khí-lâi, khòaⁿ chhut pān-kong-sek ê thang-á. Kòe chi̍t-ē-á, i kóng:

"Marengo ê sîn-hū í-keng lâi ah. I lâi liáu chiâⁿ chá."

I thê-chhéⁿ góa kóng, ùi chia kiâⁿ-lō͘ kàu chng-ni̍h ê kàu-tn̂g, siōng-bô tio̍h 45 hun-cheng. Goán lo̍h-lâu khì.

Tī chhù gōa-kháu, sîn-hū hām nn̄g-ê lé-seng khiā tī hia. Kî-tiong chi̍t-ê the̍h hiuⁿ-lô͘, sîn-hū àⁿ-sin ǹg i, teh tiâu-chéng hiuⁿ-lô͘ ê gîn liān-tiâu. Goán kiâⁿ óa ê sî, sîn-hū khiā-thêng. I chheng-ho͘ góa "koai-kiáⁿ" koh kap góa kóng kóa ōe. I kiâⁿ ji̍p-khì; góa tòe tī āu-bīn.

Góa sûi tō chù-ì tio̍h, koaⁿ-chhâ ê lô͘-si í-keng só ân ah, pâng-keng ni̍h koh ū sì-ê chhēng o͘-saⁿ ê cha-po͘-lâng. Īⁿ-tiúⁿ kā góa kóng, lêng-chhia í-keng tán tī gōa-kháu ê lō͘-téng, hit-sî, góa koh thiaⁿ tio̍h sîn-hū khai-sí teh kî-tó. Chū án-ne liáu-āu, tāi-chì chiâⁿ kín chi̍t-hāng chi̍t-hāng lâi. Hiah-ê lâng the̍h chi̍t-tè khàm-pò͘ kiâⁿ ǹg koaⁿ-chhâ. Sîn-hū, lé-seng, īⁿ-tiúⁿ, hām góa lóng chhut-lâi gōa-kháu. Chi̍t-ê góa m̄-bat ê cha-bó͘ khiā tī mn̂g-piⁿ. "Meursault Ss," īⁿ-tiúⁿ kóng. Góa thiaⁿ bô chin hit-ê cha-bó͘ ê miâ, kan-ta chai-iáⁿ yi sī iáng-ló-īⁿ chí-tēng ê hō͘-sū. Bīn bô chhiò-iông, yi kā he tn̂g koh ta-sán ê bīn tìm chi̍t-ē. Án-ne liáu, goán tō lóng siám-khui hō͘ koaⁿ-chhâ kòe. Goán tòe kng koaⁿ-chhâ ê lâng lī-khui iáng-ló-īⁿ. Lêng-chhia thêng tī tōa-mn̂g gōa-kháu. Lêng-chhia chhat kah kim-sih-sih, koh sī tn̂g-ti-hêng ê, hō͘ góa siūⁿ tio̍h iân-pit a̍p-á.

Chhia piⁿ khiā song-lé chú-pān, i seⁿ-chò sè-hàn, chhēng-chhah koài-kî, iáu ū chi̍t-ê tōng-chok bô chū-jiân, kui-bīn pháiⁿ-sè ê lāu-lâng. Góa chai-iáⁿ, he tō sī Pérez Ss. I tì chi̍t-téng îⁿ-téng, khoah-piⁿ ê jiông-á bō (koaⁿ-chhâ keng-kòe tōa-mn̂g ê sî, i kā bō-á chhái lo̍h-lâi), chhēng se-chong, tn̂g-khò͘ ê khò͘-kha chek tī kha-ba̍k, o͘-sek nekutái ê kat sè-sè lia̍p, pe̍h-sek siatchuh ê ām-niá iū-koh siuⁿ tōa. I ê phīⁿ téng-koân ū kóa o͘-tiám, ē-bīn ê chhùi-tûn put-sî teh chùn-tāng. Nn̄g-ê koài-hêng, hap-hap, kāu-tûn ê hīⁿ-á, ùi i he iù koh pe̍h ê thâu-mo͘ ni̍h phok chhut-lâi, hīⁿ-á âng-kì-kì ê sek kap i pe̍h chhi-chhi ê bīn hō͘ góa ìn-siōng chin chhim.

Song-lé chú-pān an-pâi goán ê sūn-sī. Sîn-hū kiâⁿ thâu-chêng, koh-lâi sī lêng-chhia. Lêng-chhia piⁿ-á sī hit sì-ê hû-koan ê. Koh-lâi sī īⁿ-tiúⁿ hām góa, tòe tī āu-piah ê sī hō͘-sū kap Pérez Ss.

Thiⁿ-téng í-keng kng iāⁿ-iāⁿ. Ji̍t-thâu khai-sí chiò kàu thô͘-kha, chiām-chiām lú lâi lú joa̍h. Góa m̄-chai sī án-chóaⁿ tio̍h tán hiah kú. Góa chhēng àm-sek ê saⁿ, kám-kak chiâⁿ joa̍h. Hit-ê sè-hàn lāu-lâng kā i ê bō-á tì tńg khì, iū-koh kā chhái lo̍h-lâi. Góa sió-khóa oa̍t-sin khòaⁿ i, hit-sî īⁿ-tiúⁿ khai-sí kā góa kóng iú-koan i ê tāi-chì. I kóng, goán lāu-bú hām Pérez Ss, kòe-khì chhiâng-chāi tī boeh-àm ê sî, iû hō͘-sū chò-pôe, tâng-chê sàn-pō͘ kàu chng-ni̍h.

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1.4 無看最後一面

我 tī 門埕 ni̍h 等, 徛 tī 一叢 hiân-lêng-bo̍k (懸鈴木, plane tree) 下面. 我欶 ê 空氣 ni̍h 有新鮮 ê 塗味, 我袂愛睏 ah. 我想著仝辦公室 ê 同事. 這个時陣 in 應當 ná teh 起床, 準備去上班: 對我來講, he 是我一工內底上痛苦 ê 時陣. 我 koh 想一寡彼款 ê 代誌, m̄-koh 去予厝內底 ê 鈴仔聲拍斷我 ê 思路. 窗仔內面出現一陣擾動 ê 聲, 後來 mā koh 安靜落來 ah. 這陣, 日頭已經 peh 較懸 ah: 我 ê 跤予照 kah 燒燒. 工友行過門埕來 kā 我講, 院長欲見我. 我 tō 去伊 ê 辦公室. 伊叫我 tī 幾个文件頂簽名. 我注意著, 伊穿烏色 ê 禮服, kah 幼線條 ê 長褲. 伊 kā 電話提起來, 越頭對我講:

"殯儀館 ê 人來一睏 ah. 我欲叫 in 鎖棺柴蓋. Tī he 進前, 你欲看恁老母最後一面無?"

我講, 免.

伊 tō 用電話下令, 聲音壓低講: "Figeac, kā in 講, 會使進行 ah."

Án-ne 了後, 伊 kā 我講, 伊會參加喪禮, 我 kā 伊說謝. 伊坐落 tī 辦公桌後面, kā 兩支短短 ê 跤 sio-khòe. 伊 kā 我講, 送山 ê 人除了值班 ê 護士, 干焦有伊 kap 我. 院 ni̍h ê 老人一般是毋准參加喪禮. 伊干焦允准 in 去守靈.

"Án-ne 對 in 較仁慈," 伊解說講. M̄-koh, 這改, 伊特別允准阮老母 ê 一个朋友, Thomas Pérez, 來送山. 講著 che, 院長喙角笑笑. 伊講, "我想, 你會當理解. Che 是真囡仔性 ê 感情. 伊和恁老母好 kah 強欲剝袂開. 其他 ê 老人定定 kap in 滾笑, 講 'Pérez 有一个未婚妻.' 伊聽著, 家己 mā 大笑. 逐个攏滾 kah 誠好耍. 事實上, 伊 kā Meursault Tt ê 過身看 kah 真嚴重. 我想, 我無權利拒絕伊. M̄-koh 我聽院 ni̍h 訪問醫師 ê 建議, 昨暝我無允准伊去守靈."

阮恬恬一睏無 koh 講啥. 院長徛起來, 看出辦公室 ê 窗仔. 過一下仔, 伊講:

"Marengo ê 神父已經來 ah. 伊來了誠早."

伊提醒我講, ùi 遮行路到庄 ni̍h ê 教堂, 上無著 45 分鐘. 阮落樓去.

Tī 厝外口, 神父和兩个禮生徛 tī 遐. 其中一个提香爐, 神父 àⁿ 身 ǹg 伊, teh 調整香爐 ê 銀鍊條. 阮行倚 ê 時, 神父徛 thêng. 伊稱呼我 "乖囝" koh kap 我講寡話. 伊行入去; 我綴 tī 後面.

我隨 tō 注意著, 棺柴 ê 螺絲已經鎖絚 ah, 房間 ni̍h koh 有四个穿烏衫 ê 查埔人. 院長 kā 我講, 靈車已經等 tī 外口 ê 路頂, 彼時, 我 koh 聽著神父開始 teh 祈禱. 自 án-ne 了後, 代誌誠緊一項一項來. Hiah-ê 人提一塊崁布行 ǹg 棺柴. 神父, 禮生, 院長, 和我攏出來外口. 一个我毋 bat ê 查某徛 tī 門邊. "Meursault Ss," 院長講. 我聽無真彼个查某 ê 名, 干焦知影她是養老院指定 ê 護士. 面無笑容, 她 kā he 長 koh 焦瘦 ê 面 tìm 一下. Án-ne 了, 阮 tō 攏閃開予棺柴過. 阮綴扛棺柴 ê 人離開養老院. 靈車停 tī 大門外口. 靈車漆 kah 金 sih-sih, koh 是長 ti 形 ê, 予我想著鉛筆盒仔.

車邊徛喪禮主辦, 伊生做細漢, 穿插怪奇, 猶有一个動作無自然, 規面歹勢 ê 老人. 我知影, he tō 是 Pérez Ss. 伊戴一頂圓頂, 闊邊 ê 絨仔帽 (棺柴經過大門 ê 時, 伊 kā 帽仔採落來), 穿西裝, 長褲 ê 褲跤積 tī 跤目, 烏色 nekutái ê 結細細粒, 白色 siatchuh ê 頷領又 koh siuⁿ 大. 伊 ê 鼻頂懸有寡烏點, 下面 ê 喙唇不時 teh 顫動. 兩个怪形, hap-hap, 厚唇 ê 耳仔, ùi 伊 he 幼 koh 白 ê 頭毛 ni̍h phok 出來, 耳仔紅 kì-kì ê 色 kap 伊白 chhi-chhi ê 面予我印象真深.

喪禮主辦安排阮 ê 順序. 神父行頭前, koh 來是靈車. 靈車邊仔是彼四个扶棺 ê. Koh 來是院長和我, 綴 tī 後壁 ê 是護士 kap Pérez Ss.

天頂已經光 iāⁿ-iāⁿ. 日頭開始照到塗跤, 漸漸 lú 來 lú 熱. 我毋知是按怎著等 hiah 久. 我穿暗色 ê 衫, 感覺誠熱. 彼个細漢老人 kā 伊 ê 帽仔戴轉去, 又 koh kā 採落來. 我小可越身看伊, 彼時院長開始 kā 我講有關伊 ê 代誌. 伊講, 阮老母和 Pérez Ss, 過去常在 tī 欲暗 ê 時, 由護士做陪, 同齊散步到庄 ni̍h.

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1.4

But I waited in the courtyard, under a plane tree. I breathed in the smell of fresh earth and I wasn't sleepy anymore. I thought of the other guys at the office. They'd be getting up to go to work about this time: for me that was always the most difficult time of day. I thought about those things a little more, but I was distracted by the sound of a bell ringing inside the buildings. There was some commotion behind the windows, then everything quieted down again. The sun was now a little higher in the sky: it was starting to warm my feet. The caretaker came across the courtyard and told me that the director was asking for me. I went to his office. He had me sign a number of documents. I noticed that he was dressed in black with pin-striped trousers. He picked up the telephone and turned to me. "The undertaker's men arrived a few minutes ago. I'm going to ask them to seal the casket. Before I do, would you like to see your mother one last time?" I said no. He gave the order into the telephone, lowering his voice: "Figeac, tell the men they can go ahead."

After that he told me he would be attending the funeral and I thanked him. He sat down behind his desk and crossed his short legs. He informed me that he and I would be the only ones there, apart from the nurse on duty. The residents usually weren't allowed to attend funerals. He only let them keep the vigil. "It's more humane that way," he remarked. But in this case he'd given one of mother's old friends--Thomas Perez--­permission to join the funeral procession. At that the director smiled. He said, "I'm sure you understand. It's a rather childish sentiment. But he and your mother were almost inseparable. The others used to tease them and say, 'Perez has a fiancee.' He'd laugh. They enjoyed it. And the truth is he's taking Madame Meursault's death very hard. I didn't think I could rightfully refuse him permission. But on the advice of our visiting physician, I did not allow him to keep the vigil last night."

We didn't say anything for quite a long time. The director stood up and looked out the window of his office. A moment later he said, "Here's the priest from Marengo already. He's early." He warned me that it would take at least three-quarters of an hour to walk to the church, which is in the village itself. We went downstairs. Out in front of the building stood the priest and two altar boys. One of them was holding a censer, and the priest was leaning toward him, adjusting the length of its silver chain. As we approached, the priest straightened up. He called me "my son" and said a few words to me. He went inside; I followed.

I noticed right away that the screws on the casket had been tightened and that there were four men wear­ing black in the room. The director was telling me that the hearse was waiting out in the road and at the same time I could hear the priest beginning his prayers. From then on everything happened very quickly. The men moved toward the casket with a pall. The priest, his acolytes, the director and I all went outside. A woman I didn't know was standing by the door. "Monsieur Meursault," the director said. I didn't catch the woman's name; I just understood that she was the nurse assigned by the home. Without smiling she lowered her long, gaunt face. Then we stepped aside to make way for the body. We fol­lowed the pall bearers and left the horne. Outside the gate stood the hearse. Varnished, glossy, and oblong, it reminded me of a pencil box. Next to it was the funeral director, a little man in a ridiculous getup, and an awk­ward, embarrassed-looking old man. I realized that it was Monsieur Perez. He was wearing a soft felt hat with a round crown and a wide brim (he took it off as the casket was coming through the gate), a suit with trousers that were corkscrewed down around his ankles, and a black tie with a knot that was too small for the big white collar of his shirt. His lips were trembling below a nose dotted with blackheads. Strange, floppy, thick-rimmed ears stuck out through his fine, white hair, and I was struck by their blood-red color next to the pallor of his face. The funeral director assigned us our places. First came the priest, then the hearse. Flanking it, the four men. Behind it, the director and myself and, bringing up the rear, the nurse and Monsieur Perez.

The sky was already filled with light. The sun was beginning to bear down on the earth and it was getting hotter by the minute. I don't know why we waited so long before getting under way. I was hot in my dark clothes. The little old man, who had put his hat back on, took it off again. I turned a little in his direction and was looking at him when the director started talking to me about him. He told me that my mother and Monsieur Perez often used to walk down to the village together in the evenings, accompanied by a nurse.

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