8
8.1 Marie lâi thàm-kaⁿ
Ū chi̍t-kóa tāi-chì góa chóng-sī bô-ài kóng-khí. Ji̍p-kaⁿ kúi-kang liáu-āu, góa koat-tēng chi̍t-sì-lâng góa lóng bô-ài koh kóng-khí chit-chân tāi-chì.
M̄-koh, āu-lâi góa bô koh kám-kak chit-lō hoán-kám ū siáⁿ ì-gī. Sū-si̍t-siōng, thâu-seng hit kúi-kang góa mā bô sǹg chin-chiàⁿ teh chē-kaⁿ: góa bē-su sī teh tán tāi-chì ê hoat-tián. Kan-ta tán kàu Marie ûi-it chi̍t-kái lâi khòaⁿ góa liáu-āu, tāi-chì chiah chin-chiàⁿ khai-sí. Chū-chiông góa chiap-tio̍h yi ê phe (yi kóng, lâng m̄-chún yi koh lâi khòaⁿ góa ah, in-ūi yi m̄-sī góa ê bó͘), chū hit-kang khai-sí, góa chiah kám-kak góa sī teh chē-kaⁿ ah, góa ê seng-oa̍h kui-ê tèng tiâu tī hia lah.
Góa hông lia̍h hit-kang, in kā góa koaiⁿ tī í-keng ū kúi-ā ê hoān-lâng ê kaⁿ-lô, tōa-pō͘-hūn sī Arab-lâng. Khòaⁿ tio̍h góa, in chhiò-chhiò, mn̄g góa hoān tio̍h siáⁿ-mih. Góa kóng, sī in-ūi góa thâi-sí chi̍t-ê Arab-lâng, in tō lóng tiām khì. Kòe bô kú, thiⁿ tō àm ah. In kà góa án-chóaⁿ pho͘ chháu-chhio̍h-á thang khùn, ē-sái kā chi̍t-thâu kńg khí-lâi chò chím-thâu. Kui-àm góa kám-kak ū ku-á tī bīn teh sô.
Kòe kúi-kang, in kā góa ka-tī chi̍t-ê koaiⁿ chi̍t-keng, tī hia góa khùn tiàu-piah ê chhâ-pang. Góa ū chi̍t-kha bé-tháng kap chi̍t-ê siah ê bīn-tháng. Kaⁿ-ga̍k sī tī siâⁿ-tìn ê koân-tē, ùi chi̍t-ê sè-sè ê thang-á, góa ē-tàng khòaⁿ tio̍h hái. Chi̍t-kang, góa tng-teh tēⁿ-tio̍h thih lân-kan, thàm-bīn ǹg kng ê sî, chi̍t-ê kéng-ūi ji̍p-lâi, kóng, góa ū lâng lâi thàm-kaⁿ. Góa siūⁿ, he tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī Marie. Kó-jiân sī yi.
Boeh kàu biān-hōe ê só͘-chāi, góa seng kiâⁿ chi̍t-ê tn̂g-tn̂g ê cháu-lông, lo̍h kúi-ā chàn lâu-thui, siōng-bóe koh kiâⁿ lēng-gōa chi̍t-ê cháu-lông. Góa kiâⁿ-ji̍p chi̍t-ê tōa-thiaⁿ, hia hō͘ phok ǹg gōa ê tōa sìⁿ thang chiò kah kng iāⁿ-iāⁿ. Tōa-thiaⁿ hō͘ thán-hoâiⁿ nn̄g-chōa thâu-kàu-bóe ê thih lân-kan keh chò saⁿ khu. Nn̄g-chōa lân-kan tiong-kan liōng-iok keh peh chì cha̍p bí, kā hóng-kheh kap siû-hoān keh-khui. Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h Marie khiā tī tōa-thiaⁿ ê hit-thâu, chhēng tiâu-bûn ê iûⁿ-chong, bīn-á pha̍k kah âng-âng. Tī góa chit-pêng ū chha-put-to cha̍p-ê sîu-hoān, tōa-pō͘-hūn sī Arab-lâng. Marie ê sì-piⁿ chiâu sī Moor hū-jîn-lâng, óa yi siang-pêng hit nn̄g-ê lâi biān-hōe ê, chi̍t-ê sī sè-lia̍p-chí, chhùi-tûn po̍h-po̍h, chhēng o͘-saⁿ ê lāu cha-bó͘, iáu chi̍t-ê sī tōa-kho͘, bô tì bō-á ê cha-bó͘, tng-teh tōa-nâ-âu-khang kóng-ūi, chhiú iū-koh pí koh kí. In-ūi siang-pêng lân-kan keh siuⁿ hn̄g, hóng-kheh hām siû-hoān soah tio̍h tōa siaⁿ kóng-ōe.
Góa tú chìn-ji̍p tōa-thiaⁿ ê sî, ùi koân-koân, kng-thāⁿ-thāⁿ ê piah hoán-siā lo̍h-lâi ê kóng-ōe siaⁿ kap ùi thiⁿ-téng chiò lo̍h-lâi thàng-kòe thang-á lâi-kàu thiaⁿ ni̍h ê kiông-lia̍t kng-sòaⁿ, hō͘ lâng kám-kak thâu-hîn ba̍k-àm. Góa ê kaⁿ-pâng ke chiâⁿ chēng, chiâⁿ àm. Góa tio̍h keng-kòe chi̍t-khùn chiah sek-èng. M̄-koh, āu-lâi, góa chóng-sī ē-tàng tī kng-liāng tiong khòaⁿ chheng, khòaⁿ bêng ta̍k-lâng ê bīn.
Góa chù-ì tio̍h, tī nn̄g-chōa lân-kan tiong-kan ê hn̄g-hn̄g hit-thâu ū chi̍t-ê kéng-ūi chē tī hia. Tōa-pō͘-hūn ê Arab-lâng hām in ê chhin-chiâⁿ lóng bīn sio-áⁿ khû tio̍h. In bô tōa-siaⁿ kóng-ōe. Sui-jiân sì-chiu chhá-cha̍p, in khòng-chè ka-tī iōng-kō͘ thiaⁿ ē-tio̍h ê kē-siaⁿ kau-tâm. In tī ē-bīn ê ah-kē ê kóng-ōe siaⁿ hêng-sêng chi̍t-ê ná-chhiūⁿ sī he keng-kòe in thâu-khak-téng ê kau-tâm ê kē-im phōaⁿ-chàu. Góa tī kiâⁿ ǹg Marie tùi-bīn chìn-chêng ê té-té sî-kan ni̍h tit-tio̍h chit-ê ìn-siōng. Í-keng chhi̍h-óa lân-kan, yi chhiò-hi-hi, hō͘ góa chi̍t-ê siōng súi ê chhiò-bīn. Góa kám-kak yi khòaⁿ-tio̍h chiâⁿ súi, m̄-koh góa m̄-chai boeh án-chóaⁿ hō͘ yi chai-iáⁿ góa ê kám-kak.
"Lí hó bô?" yi hn̄g-hn̄g kap góa chio-ho͘.
"Sī ah, góa tī chia."
"Lí ta̍k-hāng lóng hó bô? Su-iàu ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ lóng ū bô?"
"Ū lah, ta̍k-hāng lóng ū."
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8
8.1 Marie 來探監
有一寡代誌我總是無愛講起. 入監幾工了後, 我決定一世人我 lóng 無愛 koh 講起這層代誌.
M̄-koh, 後來我無 koh 感覺 chit-lō 反感有啥意義. 事實上, 頭先彼幾工我 mā 無算真正 teh 坐監: 我袂輸是 teh 等代誌 ê 發展. 干焦等到 Marie 唯一一改來看我了後, 代誌才真正開始. 自從我接著她 ê 批 (她講, 人毋准她 koh 來看我 ah, 因為她毋是我 ê 某), 自彼工開始, 我才感覺我是 teh 坐監 ah, 我 ê 生活規个釘牢 tī 遐 lah.
我 hông 掠彼工, in kā 我關 tī 已經有幾 ā 个犯人 ê 監牢, 大部份是 Arab 人. 看著我, in 笑笑, 問我犯著啥物. 我講, 是因為我刣死一个 Arab 人, in tō lóng 恬去. 過無久, 天 tō 暗 ah. In 教我按怎鋪草蓆仔通睏, 會使 kā 一頭卷起來做枕頭. 規暗我感覺有龜仔 tī 面 teh 趖.
過幾工, in kā 我家己一个關一間, tī 遐我睏吊壁 ê 柴枋. 我有一跤馬桶 kap 一个錫 ê 面桶. 監獄是 tī 城鎮 ê 懸地, ùi 一个細細 ê 窗仔, 我會當看著海. 一工, 我 tng-teh 捏著鐵欄杆, 探面 ǹg 光 ê 時, 一个警衛入來, 講, 我有人來探監. 我想, he 定著是 Marie. 果然是她.
欲到面會 ê 所在, 我先行一个長長 ê 走廊, 落幾 ā 層樓梯, 上尾 koh 行另外一个走廊. 我行入一个大廳, 遐予 phok ǹg 外 ê 大扇窗照 kah 光 iāⁿ-iāⁿ. 大廳予坦橫兩逝頭到尾 ê 鐵欄杆隔做三區. 兩逝欄杆中間量約隔八至十米, kā 訪客 kap 囚犯隔開. 我看著 Marie 徛 tī 大廳 ê 彼頭, 穿條紋 ê 洋裝, 面仔曝 kah 紅紅. Tī 我這爿有差不多十个囚犯, 大部份是 Arab 人. Marie ê 四邊 chiâu 是 Moor 婦人 lâng, 倚她雙爿彼兩个來面會 ê, 一个是細粒子, 喙唇薄薄, 穿烏衫 ê 老查某, 猶一个是大箍, 無戴帽仔 ê 查某, tng-teh 大嚨喉空講話, 手又 koh 比 koh 指. 因為雙爿欄杆隔 siuⁿ 遠, 訪客和囚犯煞著大聲講話.
我拄進入大廳 ê 時, ùi 懸懸, 光 thāⁿ-thāⁿ ê 壁反射落來 ê 講話聲 kap ùi 天頂照落來迵過窗仔來到廳 ni̍h ê 強烈光線, 予人感覺頭眩目暗. 我 ê 監房加誠靜, 誠暗. 我著經過一睏才適應. M̄-koh, 後來, 我總是會當 tī 光亮中看清, 看明逐人 ê 面.
我注意著, tī 兩逝欄杆中間 ê 遠遠彼頭有一个警衛坐 tī 遐. 大部份 ê Arab 人和 in ê 親 chiâⁿ lóng 面 sio-áⁿ 跍著. In 無大聲講話. 雖然四周吵雜, in 控制家己用 kō͘ 聽會著 ê 低聲交談. In tī 下面 ê 壓低 ê 講話聲形成一个 ná 像是 he 經過 in 頭殼頂 ê 交談 ê 低音伴奏. 我 tī 行 ǹg Marie 對面進前 ê 短短時間 ni̍h 得著這个印象. 已經揤倚欄杆, 她笑 hi-hi, 予我一个上媠 ê 笑面. 我感覺她看著誠媠, m̄-koh 我毋知欲按怎予她知影我 ê 感覺.
"你好無?" 她遠遠 kap 我招呼.
"是 ah, 我 tī 遮."
"你逐項 lóng 好無? 需要 ê 物件 lóng 有無?"
"有 lah, 逐項 lóng 有."
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8
8.1
There are some things I've never liked talking about. A few days after I entered prison, I realized that I wouldn't like talking about this part of my life.
Later on, though, I no longer saw any point to my reluctance. In fact, I wasn't really in prison those first few days : I was sort of waiting for something to happen. It was only after Marie's first and last visit that it all started. From the day I got her letter (she told me she would no longer be allowed to come, because she wasn't my wife), from that day on I felt that I was at home in my cell and that my life was coming to a standstill there. The day of my arrest I was first put in a room where there were already several other prisoners, most of them Arabs. They laughed when they saw me. Then they asked me what I was in for. I said I'd killed an Arab and they were all silent. A few minutes later, it got dark. They showed me how to fix the mat I was supposed to sleep on. One end could be rolled up to make a pillow. All night I felt bugs crawling over my face. A few days later I was put in a cell by myself, where I slept on wooden boards suspended from the wall. I had a bucket for a toilet and a tin washbasin. The prison was on the heights above the town, and through a small window I could see the sea. One day as I was gripping the bars, my face straining toward the light, a guard came in and told me I had a visitor. I thought it must be Marie. It was.
To get to the visiting room I went down a long corridor, then down some stairs and, finally, another corridor. I walked into a very large room brightened by a huge bay window. The room was divided. into three sections by two large grates that ran the length of the room. Between the two grates was a space of eight to ten meters which separated the visitors from the prisoners. I spotted Marie standing at the opposite end of the room with her striped dress and her sun-tanned face. On my side of the room there were about ten prisoners, most of them Arabs. Marie was surrounded by Moorish women and found herself between two visitors: a little, thin-lipped old woman dressed in black and a fat, bareheaded woman who was talking at the top of her voice and making lots of gestures. Because of the distance between the grates, the visitors and the prisoners were forced to speak very loud. When I walked in, the sound of the voices echoing off the room's high, bare walls and the harsh light pouring out of the sky onto the windows and spilling into the room brought on a kind of dizziness. My cell was quieter and darker. It took me a few seconds to adjust. But eventually I could see each face clearly, distinctly in the bright light. I noticed there was a guard sitting at the far end of the passage between the two grates. Most of the Arab prisoners and their families had squatted down facing each other. They weren't shouting. Despite the commotion, they were managing to make themselves heard by talking in very low voices. Their subdued murmuring, coming from lower down, formed a kind of bass accompaniment to the conversations crossing above their heads. I took all this in very quickly as I made my way toward Marie. Already pressed up against the grate, she was smiling her best smile for me. I thought she looked very beautiful, but I didn't know how to tell her.
"Well?" she called across to me. "Well, here I am."
"Are you all right? Do you have everything you want?" "Yes, everything."
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