10.2 In thàm-thó góa ê lêng-hûn
Siōng-bô, it-ti̍t kàu kiám-chhat-koaⁿ tòng-tiām, an-chēng té-té chi̍t-khùn liáu-āu, koh kè-sio̍k kō͘ chhiong-móa sìn-sim ê kē-im kóng: "Bîn-á-chài, kok-ūi, kāng chit-ê hoat-têng boeh sím-phòaⁿ siōng siâ-ok ê hoān-chōe: bô͘-sat lāu-pē." Kin-kì i ê kóng-hoat, chit-chióng chân-jím ê bô͘-sat hō͘ lâng siūⁿ bē-kàu. I sīm-chì kóng, jîn-lūi ê chèng-gī tio̍h the̍h-chhut chhú-hoa̍t, m̄-thang sim-nńg. M̄-koh i káⁿ kóng, góa ê léng-khok bô-chêng só͘ ín-khí i ê khióng-pò͘, kiông-boeh khah-chē kòe hit-chân thâi-lāu-pē ê àn-kiāⁿ.
Iáu-ū, kin-kì i ê kóng-hoat, chi̍t-ê tī tō-tek-siōng hāi-sí lāu-bú ê lâng hām chhin-chhiú thâi-sí seⁿ-pē ê lâng kāng-khoán, lóng chū-choa̍t tī siā-hōe. M̄-koán tó-chi̍t-ê àn-kiāⁿ, kî-tiong chi̍t-lâng lóng ūi lēng-gōa hit-lâng ê hêng-ûi chò chún-pī, iā-tō-sī ī-kò hit-chióng hêng-ûi, sīm-chì kā he ha̍p-lí-hòa. "Góa siong-sìn, kok-ūi," i koh kóng, siaⁿ-im thê-koân, "lín bē siūⁿ-kóng góa siuⁿ tōa-táⁿ kā lín kiàn-gī, chē tī pī-kò-se̍k hit-lâng mā hoān-tio̍h bîn-á-chài tī chia boeh sím-phòaⁿ ê bô͘-sat-chōe. I tio̍h chiap-siū kai-tit ê chhú-hoa̍t."
Chit-sî kiám-chhat-koaⁿ kā móa-bīn siám-kng ê kōaⁿ chhit-chhit leh. I kiat-lūn kóng, i ê chek-jīm sī thòng-khó͘ ê, m̄-koh i ū koat-sim kā oân-sêng. I kóng, tī siā-hōe góa bô ūi khiā-khí, in-ūi góa liân siōng kin-pún ê kui-chek to m̄ chun-siú, koh kóng, bē-tàng kià-bōng góa ū sim-koaⁿ, in-ūi góa m̄-chai lâng-sim ê ki-pún hoán-èng. "Góa boeh ài i ê thâu," i kóng, "góa án-ne kóng, sim-chêng khin-sang. In-ūi, tī góa kú-tn̂g ê chit-gia̍p seng-oa̍h tiong, nā kóng tó-chi̍t-kái chhéng-kiû phòaⁿ lâng sí-hêng, bô chhiūⁿ kin-á-ji̍t án-ne, hō͘ góa tōa-tōa kám-kak chit-ê thòng-khó͘ ê chek-jīm, khah kán-tan, khah khin-khó, khah chheng-chhó, in-ūi chē sī góa sîn-sèng ê sú-bēng, mā in-ūi góa khòaⁿ chit-lâng ê bīn, kan-ta khòaⁿ tio̍h ok-mô͘, kám-kak khióng-pò͘."
Kiám-chhat-koaⁿ chē tńg i ê ūi liáu, ū tn̂g-tn̂g chi̍t-khùn ê tiām-chēng. In-ūi sio-joa̍h kap kiaⁿ-hiâⁿ, góa ê thâu hîn-hîn. Têng-tiúⁿ nâ-âu chheng-chheng leh, kō͘ kē-kē ê siaⁿ mn̄g góa ū siáⁿ boeh kóng bô. Góa khiā khí-lâi, in-ūi góa khak-si̍t ū ōe boeh kóng, góa tō bô-thâu bô-bóe kóng, sū-si̍t-siōng góa pēng bô ì-tô͘ boeh thâi hit-ê Arab-lâng. Têng-tiúⁿ ìn kóng, siōng-bô che sī chi̍t-ê kóng-hoat, chìn-chêng i m̄-chai góa ê piān-hō͘ hong-sek, tī thiaⁿ góa ê lu̍t-su hoat-giân chìn-chêng, i chin hoaⁿ-hí thiaⁿ góa chún-khak kóng-chhut góa ê hêng-ûi tōng-ki.
Góa sió-khóa sa bô cháng-thâu, chai-iáⁿ góa kóng ê chin hó-chhiò, tō chhìn-chhái nauh-kóng he sī in-ūi ji̍t-thâu. Ta̍k-ê lóng chhiò chhut-lâi.
Góa ê lu̍t-su gia̍h-chhiú, chū án-ne oāⁿ i chiap-chhiú. M̄-koh i kóng, sî-kan bô chá ah, i su-iàu kúi-ā tiám-cheng. I chhéng-kiû ē-po͘ chiah koh khai-têng. Têng-tiúⁿ chiap-siū i ê thê-gī.
Hit ē-tàu, hoat-têng ni̍h ê tōa tiān-hong iáu-sī teh ká àu-hip ê khong-khì, pôe-sím-thoân gia̍h ê chhái-sek khôe-sìⁿ ia̍t kah tōng-chok chéng-chê. Góa kám-kak góa ê lu̍t-su ê kiat-lūn ká-ná éng-oán kóng bē liáu. M̄-koh ū chi̍t-tiám hō͘ góa chù-ì thiaⁿ, in-ūi i kóng, "Góa thâi-sí chi̍t-ê lâng, he sī sū-si̍t." Ná-chhiūⁿ án-ne, kóng tio̍h góa ê sî, i lóng iōng "góa." Góa kiaⁿ chi̍t tiô, tō àⁿ sin mn̄g piⁿ-á ê hoat-kéng, sī án-chóaⁿ i án-ne kóng. I kiò góa an-chēng, kòe kúi bió-cheng liáu, i koh kóng, "Só͘ ū ê lu̍t-su lóng sī án-ne kóng." Góa jīn-ûi, che sī chìn chi̍t-pō͘ kā góa pâi-tû chhut àn-kiāⁿ ê hong-hoat, hō͘ góa siau kah khang-khang, tī bó͘-chióng ì-gī lâi kóng, koh iōng i lâi tāi-thè góa. M̄-koh góa siūⁿ, góa í-keng lī hit-ê hoat-têng chin hn̄g ah.
Lēng-gōa, góa ê lu̍t-su chāi góa khòaⁿ mā chin hó-chhiò. I kín-kín tùi góa ê jiá-sū piān-kái, koh-lâi i mā kóng-khí góa ê lêng-hûn. M̄-koh, chāi góa khòaⁿ, pí-khí kiám-chhat-koaⁿ, i ke chin bô châi-tiāu.
I kóng, "góa mā ū thàm-thó chit-ê lâng ê lêng-hûn, m̄-koh kap tāi-piáu chèng-hú ê kiám-chhat-koaⁿ bô kāng, góa ū khòaⁿ-tio̍h mi̍h-kiāⁿ, góa kā lí pó-chèng, ná-chhiūⁿ tha̍k-chheh án-ne góa khòaⁿ kah chin chheng-chhó."
I tha̍k tio̍h ê sī, góa sī chi̍t-ê láu-si̍t lâng, chi̍t-ê chit-gia̍p ún-tēng, jīn-chin kang-chok ê lâng, tùi kong-si chīn-tiong, siū tio̍h khì-tiōng, koh tùi pa̍t-lâng ê put-hēng ū tông-chêng-sim. Chāi i khòaⁿ, góa sī piau-chún ê hāu-seⁿ, í-keng chīn-la̍t hàu-sūn ka-tī ê lāu-bú. Lo̍h-bóe, in-ūi lêng-le̍k iú-hān bô hoat-tō͘ koh kiong-èng yi, i hi-bāng hō͘ yi tī iáng-ló-īⁿ kòe khah sù-sī ê seng-oa̍h.
"Kok-ūi," i koh kóng, "góa chin tio̍h-kiaⁿ, pa̍t-lâng tùi iáng-ló-īⁿ ná ē hiah ū ì-kiàn. Chóng-kóng, nā boeh chèng-bêng chit-chióng ki-koan ê hó-chhù kap tiōng-iàu, lán kan-ta kóng che sī chèng-hú chhut-chîⁿ pān-ê tō ē-sái."
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10.2 In 探討我 ê 靈魂
上無, 一直到檢察官擋恬, 安靜短短一睏了後, koh 繼續 kō͘ 充滿信心 ê 低音講: "明仔載, 各位, 仝這个法庭欲審判上邪惡 ê 犯罪: 謀殺老爸." 根據伊 ê 講法, 這種殘忍 ê 謀殺予人想袂到. 伊甚至講, 人類 ê 正義著提出處罰, 毋通心軟. M̄-koh 伊 káⁿ 講, 我 ê 冷酷無情所引起伊 ê 恐怖, 強欲較濟過彼層刣老爸 ê 案件.
猶有, 根據伊 ê 講法, 一个 tī 道德上害死老母 ê 人和親手刣死生爸 ê 人仝款, lóng 自絕 tī 社會. 毋管佗一个案件, 其中一人 lóng 為另外彼人 ê 行為做準備, 也 tō 是預告彼種行為, 甚至 kā he 合理化. "我相信, 各位," 伊 koh 講, 聲音提懸, "恁袂想講我 siuⁿ 大膽 kā 恁建議, 坐 tī 被告席彼人 mā 犯著明仔載 tī 遮欲審判 ê 謀殺罪. 伊著接受該得 ê 處罰."
這時檢察官 kā 滿面閃光 ê 汗拭拭 leh. 伊結論講, 伊 ê 責任是痛苦 ê, m̄-koh 伊有決心 kā 完成. 伊講, tī 社會我無位徛起, 因為我連上根本 ê 規則 to 毋遵守, koh 講, 袂當寄望我有心肝, 因為我毋知人心 ê 基本反應. "我欲愛伊 ê 頭," 伊講, "我 án-ne 講, 心情輕鬆. 因為, tī 我久長 ê 職業生活中, 若講佗一改請求判人死刑, 無像今仔日 án-ne, 予我大大感覺這个痛苦 ê 責任, 較簡單, 較輕可, 較清楚, 因為這是我神聖 ê 使命, mā 因為我看這人 ê 面, 干焦看著惡魔, 感覺恐怖."
檢察官坐轉伊 ê 位了, 有長長一睏 ê 恬靜. 因為燒熱 kap 驚惶, 我 ê 頭眩眩. 庭長嚨喉清清 leh, kō͘ 低低 ê 聲問我有啥欲講無. 我徛起來, 因為我確實有話欲講, 我 tō 無頭無尾講, 事實上我並無意圖欲刣彼个 Arab 人. 庭長應講, 上無這是一个講法, 進前伊毋知我 ê 辯護方式, tī 聽我 ê 律師發言進前, 伊真歡喜聽我準確講出我 ê 行為動機.
我小可捎無 cháng 頭, 知影我講 ê 真好笑, tō 凊采 nauh 講 he 是因為日頭. 逐个 lóng 笑出來.
我 ê 律師攑手, 自 án-ne 換伊接手. M̄-koh 伊講, 時間無早 ah, 伊需要幾 ā 點鐘. 伊請求下晡才 koh 開庭. 庭長接受伊 ê 提議.
彼下晝, 法庭 ni̍h ê 大電風猶是 teh 絞漚翕 ê 空氣, 陪審團攑 ê 彩色葵扇擛 kah 動作整齊. 我感覺我 ê 律師 ê 結論 ká-ná 永遠講袂了. M̄-koh 有一點予我注意聽, 因為伊講, "我刣死一个人, he 是事實." Ná 像 án-ne, 講著我 ê 時, 伊 lóng 用 "我." 我驚一趒, tō àⁿ 身問邊仔 ê 法警, 是按怎伊 án-ne 講. 伊叫我安靜, 過幾秒鐘了, 伊 koh 講, "所有 ê 律師 lóng 是 án-ne 講." 我認為, 這是進一步 kā 我排除出案件 ê 方法, 予我消 kah 空空, tī 某種意義來講, koh 用伊來代替我. M̄-koh 我想, 我已經離彼个法庭真遠 ah.
另外, 我 ê 律師在我看 mā 真好笑. 伊緊緊對我 ê 惹事辯解, koh 來伊 mā 講起我 ê 靈魂. M̄-koh, 在我看, 比起檢察官, 伊加真無才調.
伊講, "我 mā 有探討這个人 ê 靈魂, m̄-koh kap 代表政府 ê 檢察官無仝, 我有看著物件, 我 kā 你保證, ná 像讀冊 án-ne 我看 kah 真清楚."
伊讀著 ê 是, 我是一个老實人, 一个職業穩定, 認真工作 ê 人, 對公司盡忠, 受著器重, koh 對別人 ê 不幸有同情心. 在伊看, 我是標準 ê 後生, 已經盡力孝順家己 ê 老母. 落尾, 因為能力有限無法度 koh 供應她, 伊希望予她 tī 養老院過較四序 ê 生活.
"各位," 伊 koh 講, "我真著驚, 別人對養老院那會 hiah 有意見. 總講, 若欲證明這種機關 ê 好處 kap 重要, 咱干焦講這是政府出錢辦 ê tō 會使."
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10.2
At least until the prosecutor stopped and after a short silence continued in a very low voice filled with conviction: "Tomorrow, gentlemen, this same court is to sit in judgment of the most monstrous of crimes: the murder of a father." According to him, the imagination recoiled before such an odious offense. He went so far as to hope that human justice would mete out punishment unflinchingly. But he wasn't afraid to say it: my callousness inspired in him a horror nearly greater than that which he felt at the crime of parricide. And also according to him, a man who is morally guilty of killing his mother severs himself from society in the same way as the man who raises a murderous hand against the father who begat him. In any case, the one man paved the way for the deeds of the other, in a sense foreshadowed and even legitimized them. "I am convinced, gentlemen," he added, raising his voice, "that you will not think it too bold of me if I suggest to you that the man who is seated in the dock is also guilty of the murder to be tried in this court tomorrow. He must be punished accordingly." Here the prosecutor wiped his face, which was glistening with sweat. He concluded by saying that his duty was a painful one but that he would carry it out resolutely. He stated that I had no place in a society whose most fundamental rules I ignored and that I could not appeal to the same human heart whose elementary response I knew nothing of. "I ask you for this man's head," he said, "and I do so with a heart at ease. For if in the course of what has been a long career I have had occasion to call for the death penalty, never as strongly as today have I felt this painful duty made easier, lighter, clearer by the certain knowledge of a sacred imperative and by the horror I feel when I look into a man's face and all I see is a monster."
When the prosecutor returned to his seat, there was a rather long silence. My head was spinning with heat and astonishment. The presiding judge cleared his throat and in a very low voice asked me if I had anything to add. I stood up, and since I did wish to speak, I said, almost at random, in fact, that I never intended to kill the Arab.
The judge replied by saying that at least that was an assertion, that until then he hadn't quite grasped the nature of my defense, and that before hearing from my lawyer he would be happy to have me state precisely the motives for my act. Fumbling a little with my words and realizing how ridiculous I sounded, I blurted out that it was because of the sun. People laughed. My lawyer threw up his hands, and immediately after that he was given the floor. But he stated that it was late and that he would need several hours. He requested that the trial be reconvened in the afternoon. The court granted his motion.
That afternoon the big fans were still churning the thick air in the courtroom and the jurors' brightly colored fans were all moving in unison. It seemed to me as if my lawyer's summation would never end. At one point, though, I listened, because he was saying, "It is true I killed a man." He went on like that, saying "I" whenever he was speaking about me. I was completely taken aback. I leaned over to one of the guards and asked him why he was doing that. He told me to keep quiet, and a few seconds later he added, "All lawyers do it." I thought it was a way to exclude me even further from the case, reduce me to nothing, and, in a sense, substitute himself for me. But I think I was already very far removed from that courtroom. Besides, my lawyer seemed ridiculous to me. He rushed through a plea of provocation, and then he too talked about my soul. But to me he seemed to be a lot less talented than the prosecutor. "1, too," he said, "have peered into this man's soul, but unlike the esteemed representative of the government prosecutor's office, I did see something there, and I can assure you that I read it like an open book." What he read was that I was an honest man, a steadily employed, tireless worker, loyal to the firm that employed him, well liked, and sympathetic to the misfortunes of others. To him, I was a model son who had supported his mother as long as he could. In the end I had hoped that a horne for the aged would give the old woman the comfort that with my limited means I could not provide for her. "Gentlemen," he added, "I am amazed that so much has been made of this home. For after all, if it were necessary to prove the usefulness and importance of such institutions, all one would have to say is that it is the state itself which subsidizes them."
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