10.3 Boeh tī tōa-tiâⁿ kā góa chām-thâu
Kan-ta chi̍t-hāng tāi-chì i bô kóng tio̍h, he tō sī song-lé, iah góa jīn-ûi he sī i ê kiat-lūn ni̍h chin bêng-hián ê so͘-hut. Só͘-ū chiah-ê lò-lò-tn̂g ê ián-káng, sî-sî khek-khek bô thêng-khùn tâm-lūn góa ê lêng-hûn, lâu hō͘ góa ê ìn-siōng sī chi̍t-tiâu teh kún-ká ê bô-sek chúi-lâu, hō͘ góa khòaⁿ kah thâu-hîn ba̍k-àm.
Chòe-āu, góa kan-ta ē kì-tit góa ê lu̍t-su kè-sio̍k teh kóng ê sî, thàu-kòe thiaⁿ-pâng kap hoat-têng, góa thiaⁿ tio̍h gōa-kháu ke-lō͘ ū áis-krím hoàn-á teh chhi̍h pā-pu ê siaⁿ. Kìm-put-chū hō͘ góa siūⁿ-khí he í-keng bô sio̍k tī góa ê seng-oa̍h, tī hia ū góa siōng tan-sûn, siōng kú-tn̂g ê khoài-lo̍k: joa̍h-thiⁿ ê khì-bī, góa kah-ì ê siâⁿ-chhī kak-lo̍h, bó͘ chi̍t-chióng hông-hun ê thiⁿ-sek, Marie ê saⁿ-kûn hām yi ê chhiò-iông. Tī chia góa bô-lūn chhòng siáⁿ lóng oân-choân bô-hāu, che hāi góa kiông boeh lia̍h-kông, góa kan-ta siūⁿ boeh che kín kòe khì, góa thang tńg-khì kaⁿ-lô, thang khùn.
Chòe-āu, góa ê lu̍t-su chóng-kiat tōa siaⁿ kóng, góa chha-put-to bô teh kā thiaⁿ.
I kóng, pôe-sím-thoân tong-jiân bē kā chi̍t-ê in-ūi chi̍t-sî sit-khì khòng-chè ê láu-si̍t koh phah-piàⁿ ê lâng sàng khì sí, i koh chhéng-kiû in tio̍h khó-lū ē-sái kiám-chōe ê chêng-hêng, in-ūi chit-ê chōe í-keng hō͘ góa siū-tio̍h siōng giâm-lē ê chhú-hoa̍t, iā-tō-sī éng-oán ê hoán-hóe.
Hoat-têng thêng-khùn ah. Góa ê lu̍t-su chē lo̍h-lâi. I khòaⁿ sī chin thiám. M̄-koh i ê tông-sū kiâⁿ kòe-lâi kap i ak-chhiú. Góa thiaⁿ tio̍h: "Piān liáu chiâⁿ chán!" Kî-tiong chi̍t-lâng sīm-chì mn̄g góa chò-chèng, kóng "Kám m̄-sī?" Góa tìm-thâu, m̄-koh góa ê tông-ì pēng m̄-sī chin-sim, in-ūi góa si̍t-chāi ū-kàu thiám eh.
Hit-sî, gōa-kháu ê ji̍t-thâu í-keng khah kē, bô koh hiah-nī joa̍h. Ùi thiaⁿ-ē-tio̍h ê ke-lō͘ siaⁿ, góa kám-kak tio̍h hông-hun boeh lâi ê tiⁿ-bi̍t. Goán lóng tī hia tán. Goán teh tán lóng sī in-ūi khan-sia̍p tio̍h góa.
Góa koh kā hoat-têng sì-kè khoàⁿ-khòaⁿ leh. Ta̍k-hāng lóng kap tē-it kang kāng-khoán. Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h hit-ê sè-hàn ê ki-khì cha-bó͘ hām hit-ê chhēng phú-sek jacket ê kì-chiá, in mā lóng kap góa sio-tùi-khòaⁿ. Che hō͘ góa siūⁿ tio̍h, kui-tiûⁿ sím-mn̄g tiong-kan góa lóng bô chhì-thàm khì chhōe Marie ê ba̍k-chiu. Góa pēng bô bē-kì-tit yi; sī in-ūi góa siuⁿ bô-êng. Góa khòaⁿ tio̍h yi chē tī Céleste kap Raymond ê tiong-kan. Yi pí chi̍t-ê chhiú-sè, ká-ná kóng "Chóng-sǹg soah ah." Yi ê bīn kek chi̍t-ê iu-chhiû ê khó͘-chhiò. M̄-koh góa ê sim-koaⁿ bô siáⁿ kám-kak, góa sīm-chì bô hoat-tō͘ ìn yi ê chhiò.
Hoat-koaⁿ lóng koh tńg lâi. Chin kín, ū-lâng kā chi̍t-kōaⁿ ê būn-tê liām hō͘ pôe-sím-thoân thiaⁿ. Góa thiaⁿ-tio̍h "bô͘-sat hoān" ... "ī-bô͘" ... "kiám-chōe ê chêng-hêng." Pôe-sím-thoân pâi-lia̍t kiâⁿ chhut-khì, iah góa hông chhōa lâi chi̍t-ê sè-sè ê pâng-keng, í-chêng góa mā bat tī chia tán kòe.
Góa ê lu̍t-su hām góa tâng-chê. I chin kāu-ōe, í-chêng kóng-ōe m̄-bat chhiūⁿ taⁿ hiah-nī ū sìn-sim, hiah-nī chhin-chhiat. I jīn-ûi tāi-chì ē chin sūn-lī, góa khó-lêng tio̍h chē-kaⁿ a̍h-sī chò khó͘-kang kúi-ā nî tō ē-sái-tit ah. Góa mn̄g i, phòaⁿ-koat nā put-lī, i kám jīn-ûi ū ki-hōe kā phòaⁿ-koat thiat-siau. I kóng, bô. I ê chhek-lio̍k sī mài thê àn-chú ê ì-kiàn, bián-tit jiá tio̍h pôe-sím-thoân. I kái-soeh kóng, bē sái bô-iân-bô-kò͘ thiat-siau phòaⁿ-koat. Góa kám-kak án-ne mā chin chheng-chhó, tō tông-ì i ê khòaⁿ-hoat. Kheh-koan lâi kóng, án-ne mā chin ū tō-lí. Nā-bô, ū-ê bô-ê kong-bûn tō pān bē-liáu ah. "Chóng-kóng," i kóng, "lán chóng-sī ē-sái siōng-sò͘. M̄-koh góa ū sìn-sim kiat-kó tùi lí iú-lī."
Goán tán chin kú -- góa siūⁿ, tāi-khài ū sì-cha̍p gō͘ hun-cheng. Āu-lâi, chi̍t-ê lêng-á hiáng. Góa ê lu̍t-su lī-khui khì, kóng:
"Pôe-sím-thoân ê thâu-lâng boeh soan-pò͘ in tùi thê-būn ê hôe-tap ah. Lí tio̍h tán-kàu phòaⁿ-koat koat-tēng liáu chiah ji̍p-lâi."
Mn̂g tōa-la̍t koaiⁿ khí-lâi. Ū-lâng tī tó-ūi ê lâu-thui teh cháu, m̄-koh thiaⁿ bē-chhut he sī kīn a̍h hn̄g. Koh-lâi góa thiaⁿ tio̍h hoat-têng ni̍h ū āng-āng ê siaⁿ teh tha̍k mi̍h-kiāⁿ.
Tán lêng-á koh hiáng, mn̂g koh khui ê sî, hoat-têng ni̍h tiām chiuh-chiuh, tiām kah góa ū chi̍t-ê kî-koài ê kám-kak, góa chù-ì tio̍h hit-ê siàu-liân kì-chiá kā ba̍k-chiu khòaⁿ ǹg pa̍t-ūi khì. Góa bô khòaⁿ ǹg Marie hit-ê hong-hiòng. Góa bô sî-kan thang khòaⁿ yi, in-ūi têng-tiúⁿ kō͘ koài-kî ê ōe-gí tùi góa kóng, boeh í Franse jîn-bîn ê miâ-gī tī chi̍t-ê tōa-tiâⁿ kā góa chām-thâu.
Chek-sî, chāi góa khòaⁿ, góa chai-iáⁿ ta̍k-lâng bīn-siōng ê piáu-chêng. Góa khak-tēng, he sī koan-sim ê piáu-chêng. Hoat-kéng tùi góa chin chhin-chhiat. Lu̍t-su kō͘ chhiú tēⁿ i ê chhiú-óaⁿ. Góa bô koh teh siūⁿ siáⁿ. M̄-koh têng-tiúⁿ mn̄g góa kám ū ōe boeh kóng. Góa siūⁿ chi̍t-ē. Góa kóng, "Bô." Hit-sî in tō kā góa chhōa cháu.
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10.3 欲 tī 大埕 kā 我鏨頭
干焦一項代誌伊無講著, he tō 是喪禮, iah 我認為 he 是伊 ê 結論 ni̍h 真明顯 ê 疏忽. 所有 chiah-ê lò-lò 長 ê 演講, 時時刻刻無停睏談論我 ê 靈魂, 留予我 ê 印象是一條 teh 滾絞 ê 無色水流, 予我看 kah 頭眩目暗.
最後, 我干焦會記得我 ê 律師繼續 teh 講 ê 時, 透過廳房 kap 法庭, 我聽著外口街路有 áis-krím 販仔 teh 揤 pā-pu ê 聲. 禁不住予我想起 he 已經無屬 tī 我 ê 生活, tī 遐有我上單純, 上久長 ê 快樂: 熱天 ê 氣味, 我佮意 ê 城市角落, 某一種黃昏 ê 天色, Marie ê 衫裙和她 ê 笑容. Tī 遮我無論創啥 lóng 完全無效, che 害我強欲掠狂, 我干焦想欲 che 緊過去, 我通轉去監牢, 通睏.
最後, 我 ê 律師總結大聲講, 我差不多無 teh kā 聽.
伊講, 陪審團當然袂 kā 一个因為一時失去控制 ê 老實 koh 拍拚 ê 人送去死, 伊 koh 請求 in 著考慮會使減罪 ê 情形, 因為這个罪已經予我受著上嚴厲 ê 處罰, 也 tō 是永遠 ê 反悔.
法庭停睏 ah. 我 ê 律師坐落來. 伊看是真忝. M̄-koh 伊 ê 同事行過來 kap 伊握手. 我聽著: "辯了誠讚!" 其中一人甚至問我做證, 講 "敢毋是?" 我 tìm 頭, m̄-koh 我 ê 同意並毋是真心, 因為我實在有夠忝 eh.
彼時, 外口 ê 日頭已經較低, 無 koh hiah-nī 熱. Ùi 聽會著 ê 街路聲, 我感覺著黃昏欲來 ê 甜蜜. 阮 lóng tī 遐等. 阮 teh 等 lóng 是因為牽涉著我.
我 koh kā 法庭四界看看 leh. 逐項 lóng kap 第一工仝款. 我看著彼个細漢 ê 機器查某和彼个穿殕色 jacket ê 記者, in mā lóng kap 我 sio 對看. Che 予我想著, 規場審問中間我 lóng 無試探去揣 Marie ê 目睭. 我並無袂記得她; 是因為我 siuⁿ 無閒. 我看著她坐 tī Céleste kap Raymond ê 中間. 她比一个手勢, ká-ná 講 "總算煞 ah." 她 ê 面激一个憂愁 ê 苦笑. M̄-koh 我 ê 心肝無啥感覺, 我甚至無法度應她 ê 笑.
法官 lóng koh 轉來. 真緊, 有人 kā 一捾 ê 問題念予陪審團聽. 我聽著 "謀殺犯" ... "預謀" ... "減罪 ê 情形." 陪審團排列行出去, iah 我 hông chhōa 來一个細細 ê 房間, 以前我 mā bat tī 遮等過.
我 ê 律師和我同齊. 伊真厚話, 以前講話 m̄-bat 像今 hiah-nī 有信心, hiah-nī 親切. 伊認為代誌會真順利, 我可能著坐監 a̍h 是做苦工幾 ā 年 tō 會使得 ah. 我問伊, 判決若不利, 伊敢認為有機會 kā 判決撤銷. 伊講, 無. 伊 ê 策略是莫 thê 案主 ê 意見, 免得惹著陪審團. 伊解說講, 袂使無緣無故撤銷判決. 我感覺 án-ne mā 真清楚, tō 同意伊 ê 看法. 客觀來講, án-ne mā 真有道理. 若無, 有 ê 無 ê 公文 tō 辦袂了 ah. "總講," 伊講, "咱總是會使上訴. M̄-koh 我有信心結果對你有利."
阮等真久 -- 我想, 大概有四十五分鐘. 後來, 一个鈴仔響. 我 ê 律師離開去, 講:
"陪審團 ê 頭人欲宣布 in 對提問 ê 回答 ah. 你著等到判決決定了才入來."
門大力關起來. 有人 tī 佗位 ê 樓梯 teh 走, m̄-koh 聽袂出 he 是近 a̍h 遠. Koh 來我聽著法庭 ni̍h 有 āng-āng ê 聲 teh 讀物件.
等鈴仔 koh 響, 門 koh 開 ê 時, 法庭 ni̍h 恬 chiuh-chiuh, 恬 kah 我有一个奇怪 ê 感覺, 我注意著彼个少年記者 kā 目睭看 ǹg 別位去. 我無看 ǹg Marie 彼个方向. 我無時間通看她, 因為庭長 kō͘ 怪奇 ê 話語對我講, 欲以 Franse 人民 ê 名義 tī 一个大埕 kā 我鏨頭.
即時, 在我看, 我知影逐人面上 ê 表情. 我確定, he 是關心 ê 表情. 法警對我真親切. 律師 kō͘ 手捏伊 ê 手腕. 我無 koh teh 想啥. M̄-koh 庭長問我敢有話欲講. 我想一下. 我講, "無." 彼時 in tō kā 我 chhōa 走.
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10.3
The only thing is, he didn't say anything about the funeral, and I thought that that was a glaring omission in his summation. But all the long speeches, all the interminable days and hours that people had spent talking about my soul, had left me with the impression of a colorless swirling river that was making me dizzy.
In the end, all I remember is that while my lawyer went on talking, I could hear through the expanse of chambers and courtrooms an ice cream vendor blowing his tin trumpet out in the street. I was assailed by memories of a life that wasn't mine anymore, but one in which I'd found the simplest and most lasting joys: the smells of summer, the part of town I loved, a certain evening sky, Marie's dresses and the way she laughed. The utter pointlessness of whatever I was doing there seized me by the throat, and all I wanted was to get it over with and get back to my cell and sleep. I barely even heard when my lawyer, wrapping up, exclaimed that the jury surely would not send an honest, hardworking man to his death because he had lost control of himself for one moment, and then he asked them to find extenuating circumstances for a crime for which I was already suffering the most agonizing of punishmentseternal remorse. Court was adjourned and my lawyer sat back down. He looked exhausted. But his colleagues came over to shake his hand. I heard: "That was brilliant!" One of them even appealed to me as a witness. "Wasn't it?" he said. I agreed, but my congratulations weren't sincere, because I was too tired.
Meanwhile, the sun was getting low outside and it wasn't as hot anymore. From what street noises I could hear, I sensed the sweetness of evening coming on. There we all were, waiting. And what we were all waiting for really concerned only me. I looked around the room again. Everything was the same as it had been the first day. My eyes met those of the little robot woman and the reporter in the gray jacket. That reminded me that I hadn't tried to catch Marie's eye once during the whole trial. I hadn't forgotten about her; I'd just had too much to do. I saw her sitting between Celeste and Raymond. She made a little gesture as if to say "At last." There was a worried little smile on her face. But my heart felt nothing, and I couldn't even return her smile.
The judges came back in. Very quickly a series of questions was read to the jury. I heard "guilty of murder" . . . "premeditated" . . . "extenuating circumstances." The jurors filed out, and I was taken to the little room where I had waited before. My lawyer joined me. He was very talkative and spoke to me more confidently and cordially than he ever had before. He thought that everything would go well and that I would get off with a few years in prison or at hard labor. I asked him whether he thought there was any chance of overturning the verdict if it was unfavorable. He said no. His tactic had been not to file any motions so as not to antagonize the jury. He explained to me that verdicts weren't set aside just like that, for nothing. That seemed obvious and I accepted his logic. Looking at it objectively, it made perfect sense. Otherwise there would be too much pointless paperwork. "Anyway," he said, "we can always appeal. But I'm convinced that the outcome will be favorable."
We waited a long time-almost three-quarters of an hour, I think. Then a bell rang. My lawyer left me, saying, "The foreman of the jury is going to announce the verdict. You'll only be brought in for the passing of sentence." Doors slammed. People were running on stairs somewhere, but I couldn't tell if they were nearby or far away. Then I heard a muffied voice reading something in the courtroom. When the bell rang again, when the door to the dock opened, what rose to meet me was the silence in the courtroom, silence and the strange feeling I had when I noticed that the young reporter had turned his eyes away. I didn't look in Marie's direction. I didn't have time to, because the presiding judge told me in bizarre language that I was to have my head cut off in a public square in the name of the French people. Then it seemed to me that I suddenly knew what was on everybody's face. It was a look of consideration, I'm sure. The policemen were very gentle with me. The lawyer put his hand on my wrist. I wasn't thinking about anything anymore. But the presiding judge asked me if I had anything to say. I thought about it. I said, "No." That's when they took me away.
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